Beware the Talking Toys

So I'm hooked on The Sims. I could play this game all day if pesky things like work and children didn't get in the way. You think I'm kidding, don't you? I'm not.

The game is pretty interesting. For example, if a Sim leaves his or her child alone in the house, even for 5 minutes, the Sims version of Child Protective Services takes the child away and another Sim family can adopt him. Sims can have fights with each other and apologize afterwards -- or not. Some Sims don't get along simply because their personalities don't mesh well. Child Sims can play with toys. And here's where it gets freaky: they have a talking toy.

Talking toys have always sort of freaked me out. My children have had their fair share and I am less than pleased when they get a new one. They are loud and obnoxious. And they never cease to scare the living daylights out of me at various inopportune moments. Ever stepped on a baby doll in the dark and had it squawk "Ma-ma!" in an otherwise silent house? What about when the batteries run down and the "Ma-ma!" begins to sound like a demon? And my personal favorite are the toys that sense not only when a person is close enough to be engaged in play but hasn't peed her pants in quite some time. That's loads of fun. Needless to say, I'm not a fan of the talking toys.

When I saw that my Sim's child had a talking teddy bear I was intrigued but not necessarily freaked out. After all, the toy is safely ensconced within the parameters of the game; I'm not going to step on it in my children's room at night and it's not going to talk to me in a demon voice. Little did I know what was to happen.

The first time I noticed the talking teddy bear, nothing untoward happened to to my Sim family, or to me for that matter. In the second game I played, I purchased a few toys, including a talking teddy bear, for my Sims' unborn child. One night, while my Sim couple was sleeping peacefully, a burglar broke into their home. Fortunately, my Sim family had an alarm system and the Sim police were summoned to apprehend the criminal. Insurance covered their losses. (See, just like real life, right?)

During the ensuing chaos the pregnant mother was awakened and decided that she would like a bubble bath to calm her nerves. Her poor husband, feeling a little rattled himself, picked up the talking teddy bear from the baby's room and took it to the bathroom to entertain his wife during her bath. She was not amused and her husband left the teddy bear on the floor of the bathroom and went back to bed.

Being a benevolent controller, I noticed that my pregnant Sim mother was beginning to get hungry but she made no move to leave the bathtub. I waited for her hygiene indicator to move all the way to green and she still did not get out of the tub. I told her to leave the tub and get some food. She didn't. Then I noticed that her bladder indicator was nearing a dangerous shade of orange and tried to get her to use the toilet. She remained in her bubble bath.

She sat there for hours until her husband awoke and went to check on her. He attempted to talk her out of the bath and was unsuccessful. Despairing, he went to the kitchen for his own breakfast and I had him call to her again to see if she could be bribed from the tub with food. Nothing. Her poor husband went to work, no doubt hoping she'd be out of the bathtub by the time he came home.

By this time, most personal indicators were in the red zone. Her bladder was dangerously near exploding and her poor stomach was completely empty. Both her social and fun indicators were maxed out in the negative. Somehow, her comfort and environment levels were in the prime green level, though. She was starving and needed to pee in the worst way, but darn it! She was still enjoying the bubble bath.

I was perplexed as to why she would stay in the tub so long when she obviously had other needs and had been told to fulfill them. I watched her for most of the day, hoping that she would move but she didn't. Finally, it occurred to me that maybe she couldn't move. I switched my view of the bathroom and saw that the sink and -- you guessed it -- the talking teddy bear were blocking her way out of the bathtub. I deleted the teddy bear.

When I switched back to the active view, my pregnant Sim mother got out of the tub, dressed herself and was visited by the Grim Reaper. She collapsed on to the floor and an urn appeared in her place.

I was shocked. The diabolical talking teddy bear killed her! She was too freaked out by the stinking thing to get out of the bathtub. And so she starved to death. The senseless devastation!

And then I was alerted to her husband coming home from work. If I was this torn up, imagine his sadness at seeing the remains of his wife and baby in an urn on the bathroom floor!! I didn't think he could handle it. First the robbery, then this?! He'd never recover.

I did the only logical thing I could do. I quit the game without saving before he came upstairs.