This is so much harder than I thought it would be. I never wanted to care this much about anything the ex-husband did, so long as he didn't mistreat our children or expect me to make nice to the mistress. When the mistress went away, half of my worries went away. But then he started dating the new wife and he married her and I had a whole bunch of new worries.
It was weird to find out that they were expecting. It was weirder when she started to show. The most surreal moment was when I saw a picture from her 3D ultrasound and the baby's nose looked exactly like Solomon's. Until then, I could push it to the back of my mind because the baby was still a formless, genderless being hidden away in her belly.
I was texting with my ex-sister-in-law (whom I still like) two nights ago about Solomon's birthday. The next morning I got another text message from her that said the ex-husband and the new wife had gone to the hospital because her water broke. All day I kept waiting for the text message that said the baby had been born and was, therefore 'real' in my mind. 'Real' in the sense that it now had a name and an identity, like my own children. The last I knew when I went to bed was that she was getting an epidural and not progressing past 3 cm.
When I woke up today I had a message that read "It's a boy, born at 12:30 am. He weighs 8 lbs, 2 oz and he's 20.5 inches long." It doesn't get much more real than that. Or so I thought. And then I heard the name. He has the same first name as my boys. And his middle name, which is undoubtedly the name they will call him, follows the same pattern that my children's middle names do.
My 3 children, for whom I live and breathe, are included in a naming pattern with this child. Their child. My 3 children are his siblings. They share DNA with him.
I've been trying to figure out why this bothers me and I think I have it: I don't want to care what the ex-husband does but he's made it so that I have to. He's had a child that will directly impact my children's lives.
The easier bit to figure out is equality. What I mean is that the new wife professed to love my children like they were her own. And I can believe she did. But that changed in the moment that she had her biological child because now she does have her own. Call me a cynic, but I find it impossible to believe that she'll love and treat all 4 of these children equally. I just do.
It's easier to believe that the ex-husband will love his 4 children equally. I can put myself into an imaginary situation in which I have an imaginary child with an imaginary partner and I can imagine that I love that child just as I love the 3 I already have. I can imagine that. The problem on the ex-husband's side is that my 3 children will see things differently. After all, this child has both of his parents together all the time. This child won't be traveling 400 miles to see his father during school breaks.
My children, at this point, are happy about the new baby. They are excited to go spend the summer there and play with him. Because they are happy, I am happy for them. Babies are cute and sweet and exciting. No matter my feelings on the subject, he is their half-brother and I don't expect them to ignore that relationship. But I dread the day they realize this may not be all it's cracked up to be.
Finally, I am grateful that this child missed being born on my brother's birthday, even if it was only by 30 minutes. I am more grateful still that this child wasn't born on my child's birthday, which is tomorrow. But that doesn't keep me from wishing he was born in another month, or even a different season.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
A Moral Dilemma
Solomon and I had a brief conversation about war, soldiers and death the other day. I don't remember all the details of it. We have a lot of conversations like this; it's the way my boys are.
But Solomon asked something that he's never asked before, something I've never heard a child his age ask. He said, "What makes us the good guys? If American soldiers go into another country and kill people, aren't they bad guys then?"
But Solomon asked something that he's never asked before, something I've never heard a child his age ask. He said, "What makes us the good guys? If American soldiers go into another country and kill people, aren't they bad guys then?"
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Today ...
I slept until 11:30, made up for sleeping 4 hours in the previous 36.
I finished watching Season 2 of Big Love.
I ran barefoot through a massive thunderstorm, soaking my clothes, my shopping bags and what little hair I have.
I unpacked $30 worth of fresh produce in my kitchen while listening to A Prairie Home Companion.
I discovered the combined poetic tastes of a bottle riesling, a carton of fresh raspberries and a wedge of gouda.
I bought a cast iron stove top grill. I can't wait to cook a thick, medium rare steak on it.
I heard a song I haven't listened to or even thought about in almost 3 years. It brought back a lot of memories.
Today ... Today was a good day.
I finished watching Season 2 of Big Love.
I ran barefoot through a massive thunderstorm, soaking my clothes, my shopping bags and what little hair I have.
I unpacked $30 worth of fresh produce in my kitchen while listening to A Prairie Home Companion.
I discovered the combined poetic tastes of a bottle riesling, a carton of fresh raspberries and a wedge of gouda.
I bought a cast iron stove top grill. I can't wait to cook a thick, medium rare steak on it.
I heard a song I haven't listened to or even thought about in almost 3 years. It brought back a lot of memories.
Today ... Today was a good day.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Sunflower Market
There is a Sunflower Market within walking distance of my apartment. I've taken forever to get there but I finally went two weeks ago and I went again today. I freaking love that place.
I was kind of surprised at its size; it's very small compared with other major grocery stores. But I quickly realized why. They sell ingredients for making meals from scratch, not pre-packaged, processed meals. Sure, there are some packaged foods available but there are very few of them. About 2/3 of the store is fresh produce. The selection is great and the prices really are silly, like they advertise.
A lot of things there are more expensive than they'd be at a larger grocery store. I probably won't ever buy very much of the meat or dairy products but it would be fine in a pinch.
I'm excited about this because it's encouraging me to serve more fresh fruits and vegetables and less of the unhealthy stuff. Obviously, we could really benefit from that. I'll also be looking for new recipes to use produce I've never really bought, like eggplants and butternut squash.
Another thing that really impresses me is their attitude toward reducing waste. Unlike the other grocery stores I've usually frequented, reusable grocery bags are encouraged instead of treated as an inconvenience. You get a $0.10 credit for every reusable bag you bring in. And when the register prints out the receipt it prints on both sides! So simple but just not done any where else.
The best part: the dairy section has little baskets full of cheese bits left over from the slicing and packaging of larger blocks of cheese. You can buy a couple of ounces to try so you don't spend $10 to find out if you like dill havarti. I happen to know now that I love, love, love dill havarti and I only spent $1.75 to find that out.
Yay for Sunflower Market!
I was kind of surprised at its size; it's very small compared with other major grocery stores. But I quickly realized why. They sell ingredients for making meals from scratch, not pre-packaged, processed meals. Sure, there are some packaged foods available but there are very few of them. About 2/3 of the store is fresh produce. The selection is great and the prices really are silly, like they advertise.
A lot of things there are more expensive than they'd be at a larger grocery store. I probably won't ever buy very much of the meat or dairy products but it would be fine in a pinch.
I'm excited about this because it's encouraging me to serve more fresh fruits and vegetables and less of the unhealthy stuff. Obviously, we could really benefit from that. I'll also be looking for new recipes to use produce I've never really bought, like eggplants and butternut squash.
Another thing that really impresses me is their attitude toward reducing waste. Unlike the other grocery stores I've usually frequented, reusable grocery bags are encouraged instead of treated as an inconvenience. You get a $0.10 credit for every reusable bag you bring in. And when the register prints out the receipt it prints on both sides! So simple but just not done any where else.
The best part: the dairy section has little baskets full of cheese bits left over from the slicing and packaging of larger blocks of cheese. You can buy a couple of ounces to try so you don't spend $10 to find out if you like dill havarti. I happen to know now that I love, love, love dill havarti and I only spent $1.75 to find that out.
Yay for Sunflower Market!
Mother's Day
I can't believe I forgot to post this. It's the text of the fill-in-the-blank card Samuel made for me at school.
My Mother
My mother is very kind .
She is 20 feet tall.
She weights 565 pounds.
Her hair is blond bald .
Her eyes are bule .
She likes to play with me best of all.
She does not like wen I be mean .
I like when she says " I love you ."
I love her because she sum times plays with me .
My mother is very kind .
She is 20 feet tall.
She weights 565 pounds.
Her hair is blond bald .
Her eyes are bule .
She likes to play with me best of all.
She does not like wen I be mean .
I like when she says " I love you ."
I love her because she sum times plays with me .
Egg on My Face
Last night I put at load of jeans into the washing machine. Just as I closed the lid, Miriam said, "Wait! My chapstick is still in my pocket!" I dug through the soaking wet jeans and found the pair she described. Sure enough, her chapstick was in the pocket. Fortunately, no water had leaked into it.
I then proceeded to lecture her on responsibility and always checking her pockets when she gets undressed. I explained how things can be ruined in the laundry and how the laundry can be ruined by things left in.
This morning, Miriam went to find her favorite jeans in the dryer and guess what she found? My chapstick.
I then proceeded to lecture her on responsibility and always checking her pockets when she gets undressed. I explained how things can be ruined in the laundry and how the laundry can be ruined by things left in.
This morning, Miriam went to find her favorite jeans in the dryer and guess what she found? My chapstick.
Monday, May 11, 2009
It's Not a Stomach Virus
It's pure, unadulterated evil, that's what it is. Unfortunately, no one makes pills to cure that yet.
We went to the doctor last week because Solomon's puking still wouldn't stop. They did a strep test and urinalysis that were both negative. We sent off stool samples and tested for several things. All negative. He has a lot of symptoms of a lot of things, but they don't all add up to one thing or another. This is so frustrating.
We cut out dairy for the last week and he went to the school nurse with a stomachache today. He proceeded to vomit, a lot. I picked him and we spent the afternoon watching cartoons. He's fine now.
We're using Zofran to control the nausea and vomiting but that's not a feasible long-term solution. I don't know what we'll do now.
We went to the doctor last week because Solomon's puking still wouldn't stop. They did a strep test and urinalysis that were both negative. We sent off stool samples and tested for several things. All negative. He has a lot of symptoms of a lot of things, but they don't all add up to one thing or another. This is so frustrating.
We cut out dairy for the last week and he went to the school nurse with a stomachache today. He proceeded to vomit, a lot. I picked him and we spent the afternoon watching cartoons. He's fine now.
We're using Zofran to control the nausea and vomiting but that's not a feasible long-term solution. I don't know what we'll do now.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
McDonald's vs. Whataburger
So the 1 Adult, 5 Children started to go a little nuts today. It's chilly and cloudy and threatening rain. The backyard is muddy from last night's rain. I thought the next best thing would be a trip to McDonald's for lunch and playing. Notice, I said thought. Past tense.
We got off to a good start. The cashier took our order just fine, repeated it back to me and everything was right. That's no small feat considering that there are 6 of us and a couple of the small people changed their minds and no one wanted the same toppings on their cheeseburgers. We moved on to fill our cups while our food was prepared. No one spilled anything. Yeah for small victories.
Then we chose a table. That's when things went a little haywire. We opened the cheeseburgers and Solomon said, "Hey, mine is supposed to be ketchup only." It was clearly covered in onions. And not the big, round slices that are easily picked off; no, these were teeny tiny, minced onion pieces.
So I took it back and apologetically asked for another one. When I got back to the table, it not only had onions on it, but also pickles and mustard. :sigh: Back to the counter again. I smiled, unapologetically this time, and said, "This still isn't ketchup only." That time, I checked the burger before going back to the table and it was just ketchup. Baby steps, right? Solomon took one bite and said, "This tastes like it's only grease. Did they throw it in the french fry cooker?" We blotted the grease off of it with napkins. Three napkins. Gross.
A few minutes later, Solomon said, "When I get older and I start thinking about where I want to work, I'm going to remember this and not work at McDonald's. I'm going to work at Whataburger instead."
P.S. This McDonald's also has the worst public wifi ever. Seriously, ever. Also, half of these children with me are too old for this. They are bored.
We got off to a good start. The cashier took our order just fine, repeated it back to me and everything was right. That's no small feat considering that there are 6 of us and a couple of the small people changed their minds and no one wanted the same toppings on their cheeseburgers. We moved on to fill our cups while our food was prepared. No one spilled anything. Yeah for small victories.
Then we chose a table. That's when things went a little haywire. We opened the cheeseburgers and Solomon said, "Hey, mine is supposed to be ketchup only." It was clearly covered in onions. And not the big, round slices that are easily picked off; no, these were teeny tiny, minced onion pieces.
So I took it back and apologetically asked for another one. When I got back to the table, it not only had onions on it, but also pickles and mustard. :sigh: Back to the counter again. I smiled, unapologetically this time, and said, "This still isn't ketchup only." That time, I checked the burger before going back to the table and it was just ketchup. Baby steps, right? Solomon took one bite and said, "This tastes like it's only grease. Did they throw it in the french fry cooker?" We blotted the grease off of it with napkins. Three napkins. Gross.
A few minutes later, Solomon said, "When I get older and I start thinking about where I want to work, I'm going to remember this and not work at McDonald's. I'm going to work at Whataburger instead."
P.S. This McDonald's also has the worst public wifi ever. Seriously, ever. Also, half of these children with me are too old for this. They are bored.
1 Adult, 5 Children
A summary of our weekend:
Meals prepared: 7
Snacks served: 5
Time outs enforced: 8
15 minute increments of audio/visual entertainment removed: 3
Crying fits: 7
Reminders to use the restroom: 43? (I really don't know.)
Walks taken: 1
Walks missed due to rain/headache/cold: 2
Playgrounds visited: 2
Children caught playing on the forbidden treadmill: 3
Birds' nests built: 1
Sword fightsrefereed banished: 5
Loads of laundry done: 4
Teeth brushed: it's a never-ending job
Hands washed: no one knows
Dandelions picked lovingly: 7
Full-on belly laughs: innumerable
Hugs: too many to count
And you know what? All the crying fits, time outs, sword fighting and treadmill discovery were worth the last three.
Meals prepared: 7
Snacks served: 5
Time outs enforced: 8
15 minute increments of audio/visual entertainment removed: 3
Crying fits: 7
Reminders to use the restroom: 43? (I really don't know.)
Walks taken: 1
Walks missed due to rain/headache/cold: 2
Playgrounds visited: 2
Children caught playing on the forbidden treadmill: 3
Birds' nests built: 1
Sword fights
Loads of laundry done: 4
Teeth brushed: it's a never-ending job
Hands washed: no one knows
Dandelions picked lovingly: 7
Full-on belly laughs: innumerable
Hugs: too many to count
And you know what? All the crying fits, time outs, sword fighting and treadmill discovery were worth the last three.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Righteous Indignation
Samuel is Samuel at home but he's occasionally Sam at school. I'm okay with it, as long as he is, so it's no big deal. At least, I didn't think it was. Until Samuel came home and said, "My friend Samantha stole my nickname! And she's a girl!"
Oh, the humanity!
Oh, the humanity!
Monday, May 4, 2009
Happy Star Wars Day
It was brought to my attention that today is Star Wars Day. May the fourth be with you.
The boy children loved this, Star Wars junkies that they are. Miriam didn't care. She was more excited that today's date can make a true mathematical equation: 5+4=9.
The boy children loved this, Star Wars junkies that they are. Miriam didn't care. She was more excited that today's date can make a true mathematical equation: 5+4=9.
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