When Solomon was a tiny infant I was plagued by ugly thoughts. I don't know if it was post-partum depression or simply the result of realizing just how helpless a newborn infant is or what. I just remember sitting on the edge of my bed and staring into his completely helpless face for hours and thinking to myself, "There are people who would harm a tiny child just like this." It was a terribly depressing and devastating thought. It kept me awake, and for a mother who's just given birth, is feeding a baby every 45 minutes and isn't sleeping much, that's saying a lot.
In the last year I've had similar thoughts when tucking my children into bed at night. For the most part, my children are not wanting for anything. They have food, shelter, clothes that fit, support, respect, affection, a mother and father and extended family that love them more than anything, more toys than they can count. They are fortunate children, whether they know it or not. They have a good life. Sure, there are things they want that they cannot have. But they are not lacking in anything they need to become successful human beings.
There are times when I tuck them into bed at night -- clean, fed, warm, safe -- that I am overcome with sadness for the children that aren't. The children that go to bed with a pitifully empty stomach or fearing for their own safety enter my mind and I am so saddened and disturbed that I cannot stand it.
Miriam has always been a fan of bedtime. As a 6-month-old baby she put herself on a sleep schedule that allowed her two naps per day, an early bedtime and a consistent wake-up time. She loves bed time. She's the only one of my three children who will willingly say to me, "Mommy, I want to go to sleep." She adheres to bedtime as if it's written in stone. She loves the routine of putting on pajamas, brushing her teeth, brushing her hair and being tucked in. When I tell her good night and kiss her cheeks, she's the happiest she's been all day. Her innocence and sweetness are heartbreaking in contrast to the children who do not get the same.
Every child deserves to go to bed with a full stomach, knowing that a good night's sleep is ahead and that security is on the other side of that night. But they don't. And there's not a damn thing I can do about it.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Thanksgiving Menu
I have no time off work for Thanksgiving except the actual day of Thanksgiving. This means I am not leaving Colorado. I took the kids to meet the ex-husband today and now I am back home. And by home, I mean Paul's house. Paul's house with wine, cheese and This is Spinal Tap, which we just finished watching. But that is neither here nor there.
What is both here and there is the Thanksgiving Menu. It is as follows:
Paul is providing copious amounts of wine and a pumpkin pie. Lance is bringing canned cranberry sauce (his Thanksgiving staple) and some sort of salad, as yet to be determined. Jen will cook:
think know that my cherries were canned too liquidy. Unfortunately I am unsure how to remedy this. And now I'm out of cherries except for the ones that have been designated for cherry-infused vodka. Le sigh.
The point is that Thanksgiving will be a rockin', delicious time, as per usual.
What is both here and there is the Thanksgiving Menu. It is as follows:
- Turkey, brined in a savory brine per Paul's request
- mashed potatoes, a la butter and cream cheese and heavy cream
- cranberry sauce
- the most delectable, buttery, flaky dinner rolls that you have ever had the pleasure of melting onto your tongue (at least, I think this is the recipe I use. I for sure have it saved on my phone. But my phone is charging on the other side of the room and I do not want to get up from this chair.)
- cranberry bars, a la Starbucks
Paul is providing copious amounts of wine and a pumpkin pie. Lance is bringing canned cranberry sauce (his Thanksgiving staple) and some sort of salad, as yet to be determined. Jen will cook:
- stuffing (which is totally To. Die. For. And I'm not even a stuffing person. Unless Jen makes it.)
- green bean casserole
- gravy
- apple pie
The point is that Thanksgiving will be a rockin', delicious time, as per usual.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
True Feminism
I've been mulling over this idea for more than a year. I've wanted to write about it for almost that long but I haven't been able to find the words. A cousin posted something related to this on Facebook recently so I've been thinking about it more. I'm still not sure I have the words but I've decided just to take the plunge any way.
Feminism as a word has become distorted. People misuse it and misrepresent it. They use it as an insult or they're insulted by it.
Feminism as a movement was necessary and wonderful. It was the civil rights movement for women. It was a time when women decided they weren't going to be told what to do by men or by society just because they were women. It was a time when women said that it doesn't matter if your chromosomes are XY or XX, you should have choices and you should have a voice.
Feminism today has morphed into this ugly, distorted idea that women are better than men. I don't think that's what any Suffragists meant when they marched for their rights. I think they wanted true equality. I think they'd be horrified at the man-bashing that happens in so much of society now.
I see women today give their husbands and partners nasty looks that they'd never tolerate themselves. I hear them say things about their men and to their men that are truly horrifying. I hear condescension and patronization and disgust in their voices. It's every where -- on television, in music, in daily conversation, in sweeping generalizations.
I know that not all women enjoy all the benefits that men do. I know that in other parts of the world, the plight of women is as horrible as it's always been. I know that even in the United States not all women make what their male counterparts make in the same careers. I know that. For most of us, however, life is good and getting better. And it certainly does not justify the anger that some women harbor toward men at just being a woman.
The pendulum has swung too far in the other direction in a lot of respects. It's not right.
The flip side of this are the women who say with horror, "Oh, I'm not a feminist!" as if it were some horrible condition requiring an exorcism. And to that I say, what's so wrong with being a feminist? What's wrong with being on equal footing with men? What's wrong with embracing all the choices you have and picking something you love because you love it, not because you're supposed to? What's wrong with not depending on a man to provide and lead and make decisions?
Being a feminist does not mean giving up on marrying, having children, making a home, even staying at home to raise children while foregoing a career outside the home. Being a feminist does not mean you're automatically a power-mongering, money-grabbing bitch. Being a feminist means that you support your rights and the rights of other women to choose what to do with life. It means that you have freedom. It is not a bad thing.
Feminism as a word has become distorted. People misuse it and misrepresent it. They use it as an insult or they're insulted by it.
Feminism as a movement was necessary and wonderful. It was the civil rights movement for women. It was a time when women decided they weren't going to be told what to do by men or by society just because they were women. It was a time when women said that it doesn't matter if your chromosomes are XY or XX, you should have choices and you should have a voice.
Feminism today has morphed into this ugly, distorted idea that women are better than men. I don't think that's what any Suffragists meant when they marched for their rights. I think they wanted true equality. I think they'd be horrified at the man-bashing that happens in so much of society now.
I see women today give their husbands and partners nasty looks that they'd never tolerate themselves. I hear them say things about their men and to their men that are truly horrifying. I hear condescension and patronization and disgust in their voices. It's every where -- on television, in music, in daily conversation, in sweeping generalizations.
I know that not all women enjoy all the benefits that men do. I know that in other parts of the world, the plight of women is as horrible as it's always been. I know that even in the United States not all women make what their male counterparts make in the same careers. I know that. For most of us, however, life is good and getting better. And it certainly does not justify the anger that some women harbor toward men at just being a woman.
The pendulum has swung too far in the other direction in a lot of respects. It's not right.
The flip side of this are the women who say with horror, "Oh, I'm not a feminist!" as if it were some horrible condition requiring an exorcism. And to that I say, what's so wrong with being a feminist? What's wrong with being on equal footing with men? What's wrong with embracing all the choices you have and picking something you love because you love it, not because you're supposed to? What's wrong with not depending on a man to provide and lead and make decisions?
Being a feminist does not mean giving up on marrying, having children, making a home, even staying at home to raise children while foregoing a career outside the home. Being a feminist does not mean you're automatically a power-mongering, money-grabbing bitch. Being a feminist means that you support your rights and the rights of other women to choose what to do with life. It means that you have freedom. It is not a bad thing.
The Good, The Bad and The Really Bad (Not Necessarily in That Order)
This week started off really crappily. I was in a foul mood all day Saturday, for no good reason really. I have a sneaking suspicion it was :ahem: hormone-related. Whatever it was I just could not snap out of it. I was grumpy and feeling bad and being short-tempered with the kids. And that made me feel even worse. Ugh.
Sunday morning I forced myself to have a better attitude. I took Solomon and Miriam to Jennifer's house and left them there so I could spend some time with Samuel alone. I've been aiming to do this for quite some time but it's hard to make time for stuff like that.
Samuel wanted to go to Downtown Aquarium so we went and spent a couple of hours looking at all sorts of sea creatures. It's as pretty fantastic place. We got to see a worker feed a tank of piranha. We watched "mermaids" put on a show about cleaning up the oceans. Then we ate lunch aquarium-side in the restaurant there. We had a great time and it was a good way to start the week.
Monday and Tuesday were pretty crappy days mood-wise again. I did get to meet with Miriam's teacher on Tuesday morning and have a conference with both of them. It was nice to hear Miriam talk through her self-assessment in a grown up voice that I've only recently begun to hear from her. She's developing a confidence and a voice that I was unsure she ever would. She's such an amazing kid.
Wednesday morning Solomon and I missed his bus. As a result, I missed the conference with Samuel's teacher and drove Solomon to school instead. At lunch time things started looking up. I finally got the snow tires put on my car after a couple of weeks of wrangling with the people at the tire place. That's a whole other story. Anyway, one of the guys there gave me a great deal on certificates for the tires and I got a discount just because of the company where I work.
I re-scheduled the conference with Samuel's teacher for that evening. We talked about his struggles with focusing on work and with speech. She showed me his work samples and how well he's doing when he can actually complete the work. Fortunately in third grade they grade what's been completed so his report card looks great. I still worry about later years when everything is graded regardless of completeness. But we still have a couple of years before that. For now I'm grateful that he's smart and that he tries so hard. And I am eternally grateful that he was matched with this teacher. She is a gift. She works with Samuel so much and is so flexible and so understanding and truly appreciates the good in him.
Also on Wednesday I got a digital antenna for our TV. I had been using Paul's rabbit ears to pick up local stations since the conversion to digital TV but they weren't getting ABC. The kids and I watch Once Upon a Time on Sunday evening on ABC but we're missing more than we're seeing because the reception is so bad. Anyway, Paul helped me get my antenna and set it up.
Thursday was a good day because the kids didn't have school on Friday which meant Thursday night we didn't have to do any homework. Any night there is no homework is a fabulous night for that reason only.
Yesterday was a phenomenal day. A co-worker agreed to give up two of her holiday days so I could have them. I had put in a request for December 29 and 30 in hopes of going to Utah with Paul for New Year's Eve. I knew it would be denied because I'm the lowest on the totem pole and everyone else put in their holiday requests months ago. It was denied. But then a friend gave up her two New Year's Eve days for me and now I get to be off work! Woot! She really did not have to do that but I am so grateful that she did.
Also yesterday, I got a call from the art teacher at the elementary school. She told me that she's awarding Samuel a High Flyer Award for his work and his behavior in her class. This is the highest award the kids can get at their school. Solomon got one in third grade and Miriam got one in second grade. I had been hoping Samuel would get one. And now he is!
I was very worried that I wouldn't get to be at the award assembly for that because it's next Tuesday morning when I'm supposed to be at work. I told my boss what a big deal it is and she said it that we'd work out something for me to be there. Another co-worker agreed to trade shifts with me so that I'm the late person that day and my boss approved the use of 2 hours of flex time so I can come in late after the award assembly. Best of all, Samuel has no idea that he's getting this award yet or that I'm going to be there. I am so excited!
In addition to both of those wonderful things, I had to leave Solomon here all day while I was work and Samuel and Miriam went to day care. He's done it before but I always worry. Yesterday I laid out some plans for him like I always do -- a couple of chores to do, make up homework, food that he could eat, etc. He made me so proud. He planned out all of his homework and completed it! And he not only did the chores I asked, but he did extra! And he practiced his trombone for an hour. He's such a fantastic kid.
Last night I had Jennifer, Caleb, Lance and Paul over for games and food. We haven't done that in a long time because of new jobs and new schools and so much life craziness getting in the way. We had a great time and I was reminded of just how fortunate I am.
Sunday morning I forced myself to have a better attitude. I took Solomon and Miriam to Jennifer's house and left them there so I could spend some time with Samuel alone. I've been aiming to do this for quite some time but it's hard to make time for stuff like that.
Samuel wanted to go to Downtown Aquarium so we went and spent a couple of hours looking at all sorts of sea creatures. It's as pretty fantastic place. We got to see a worker feed a tank of piranha. We watched "mermaids" put on a show about cleaning up the oceans. Then we ate lunch aquarium-side in the restaurant there. We had a great time and it was a good way to start the week.
Monday and Tuesday were pretty crappy days mood-wise again. I did get to meet with Miriam's teacher on Tuesday morning and have a conference with both of them. It was nice to hear Miriam talk through her self-assessment in a grown up voice that I've only recently begun to hear from her. She's developing a confidence and a voice that I was unsure she ever would. She's such an amazing kid.
Wednesday morning Solomon and I missed his bus. As a result, I missed the conference with Samuel's teacher and drove Solomon to school instead. At lunch time things started looking up. I finally got the snow tires put on my car after a couple of weeks of wrangling with the people at the tire place. That's a whole other story. Anyway, one of the guys there gave me a great deal on certificates for the tires and I got a discount just because of the company where I work.
I re-scheduled the conference with Samuel's teacher for that evening. We talked about his struggles with focusing on work and with speech. She showed me his work samples and how well he's doing when he can actually complete the work. Fortunately in third grade they grade what's been completed so his report card looks great. I still worry about later years when everything is graded regardless of completeness. But we still have a couple of years before that. For now I'm grateful that he's smart and that he tries so hard. And I am eternally grateful that he was matched with this teacher. She is a gift. She works with Samuel so much and is so flexible and so understanding and truly appreciates the good in him.
Also on Wednesday I got a digital antenna for our TV. I had been using Paul's rabbit ears to pick up local stations since the conversion to digital TV but they weren't getting ABC. The kids and I watch Once Upon a Time on Sunday evening on ABC but we're missing more than we're seeing because the reception is so bad. Anyway, Paul helped me get my antenna and set it up.
Thursday was a good day because the kids didn't have school on Friday which meant Thursday night we didn't have to do any homework. Any night there is no homework is a fabulous night for that reason only.
Yesterday was a phenomenal day. A co-worker agreed to give up two of her holiday days so I could have them. I had put in a request for December 29 and 30 in hopes of going to Utah with Paul for New Year's Eve. I knew it would be denied because I'm the lowest on the totem pole and everyone else put in their holiday requests months ago. It was denied. But then a friend gave up her two New Year's Eve days for me and now I get to be off work! Woot! She really did not have to do that but I am so grateful that she did.
Also yesterday, I got a call from the art teacher at the elementary school. She told me that she's awarding Samuel a High Flyer Award for his work and his behavior in her class. This is the highest award the kids can get at their school. Solomon got one in third grade and Miriam got one in second grade. I had been hoping Samuel would get one. And now he is!
I was very worried that I wouldn't get to be at the award assembly for that because it's next Tuesday morning when I'm supposed to be at work. I told my boss what a big deal it is and she said it that we'd work out something for me to be there. Another co-worker agreed to trade shifts with me so that I'm the late person that day and my boss approved the use of 2 hours of flex time so I can come in late after the award assembly. Best of all, Samuel has no idea that he's getting this award yet or that I'm going to be there. I am so excited!
In addition to both of those wonderful things, I had to leave Solomon here all day while I was work and Samuel and Miriam went to day care. He's done it before but I always worry. Yesterday I laid out some plans for him like I always do -- a couple of chores to do, make up homework, food that he could eat, etc. He made me so proud. He planned out all of his homework and completed it! And he not only did the chores I asked, but he did extra! And he practiced his trombone for an hour. He's such a fantastic kid.
Last night I had Jennifer, Caleb, Lance and Paul over for games and food. We haven't done that in a long time because of new jobs and new schools and so much life craziness getting in the way. We had a great time and I was reminded of just how fortunate I am.
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