Real Talk

Solomon and I had some alone time in the car this morning on our way to a doctor's appointment.  We were listening to Macklemore and Ryan Lewis' "Same Love."  It reminded me of a YouTube video we had seen over the weekend -- one where a man orchestrated a fun flash mob and public marriage proposal for his boyfriend.

When the song ended I asked Solomon what he had thought about that video.  This is the conversation that followed.

S:  I just felt really happy that those guys are being seen as humans now when before they weren't.  Now they can actually get married.  It made me feel good for them.

Me:  I still don't think I ever want to get married again but it makes me happy to see other people happy about getting married.  I thought pretty much the same thing.  Did you have any other thoughts?

S:  No, just pretty much that.

-- pause --

I told some of my friends that I support gay marriage.  They accused me of being gay.  I just said, "So what if I am?" and they looked shocked.  I told them, "I'm not, but if I was, you should treat me just the same.  It's not fair to treat someone badly because of that."

I was so choked up by that point that I couldn't speak for full minute.  I finally told Solomon that I am so proud of him.  I told him that a lot of kids would be too scared to stick with what they believe when their friends voice opposite opinions.  The fact that he stuck with it makes me prouder than anything else in my life.

I Am So Proud

Miriam is in an advanced reading class.  I'm extremely proud of that but it's not the reason for this post.  Her class has been learning how to tell stories with expression and emotion.  To do that each student has memorized a story from another culture and they have presented them to each other in pairs and to their class as a whole.  Last night they presented them to family and friends in a show called the Folk Tale Festival.

Miriam started talking up the Folk Tale Festival several weeks ago.  She seemed really excited about it and kept asking if we could go.  At that point I wasn't sure what it was.  But then she came home 2 weeks ago with an invitation that she made herself.  I realized then that the Folk Tale Festival coincided with the ex-husband coming to town to spend this weekend with the kids since they have 2 days off school.  I thought that was a perfect opportunity for him to see more of where the kids are and who they're with all day.  The ex-husband agreed that it was a good idea and we made plans for it.

When I got off the phone Miriam collapsed into a crying mess and said that she didn't want to go.  It was a huge mess, figuring out what was wrong.  We finally decided that Miriam was probably nervous about performing in front of not just a group of strangers, but also her parents.  The teacher told me that Miriam was under no obligation to actually tell her story in public, that her grade was already determined by her work in class.  So I told Miriam that she would decide whether to perform her story and we left it there.

Last night I had serious doubts that she'd actually go through with it.  She still wouldn't commit to performing but wouldn't say that she wasn't doing it, either.  Finally, at the very end Miriam got up, put on the microphone headset and introduced her story.  She was very quiet and didn't add any embellishments to the story but she did it!  She spoke clearly without stumbling on her words and she was fantastic!  I was so excited and proud I couldn't stand it.  I admit it, I cried.

Miriam amazes me.  I really don't know how to put this into sufficient words.  If you know her you know that she is possibly she shyest child ever born to this earth.  She's extremely emotional -- sadness, anger, happiness, giddiness, silliness, they're all expressed in extremes -- in the privacy of our family but other people rarely see this because of her extreme shyness.  I've worried that she might have trouble in social situations throughout her life because of this.  But now I know she's going to be fine.  She possesses determination, smarts and discernment already at this young age and that is a great reassurance to me.

She is Definitely My Daughter

Miriam knows how to appropriately use their/they're/there and you're/your.  My job as a parent is at least 33.3% done.

edited to add: I forgot!  She also has its/it's down pat!

My Kids Have Been Indoctrinated

And that's meant tongue-in-cheek, of course.

I got a message from the school district last week concerning the speech to be given by President Obama this week to students. It stated that teachers in the district had the option of showing the speech in class but that some may not be able to due to scheduling conflicts, etc. As you probably would guess, I had no problem with the kids listening to this speech, no matter what political pundits across the board might say.

As it turns out, neither of the boys' teachers showed the speech and Miriam was at home with me, coughing and sleeping. So we watched the speech at CNN.com tonight. I paused it occasionally to talk to the kids about the points being made. They were really impressed but I wondered how much they really absorbed.

It didn't take long to see what an impact the talk made on Solomon. He immediately went to my desk and wrote out the following statement for himself. He says he's going to keep it forever and read it on his first day of college.

I am promising my country ...
I will work harder in school.
I will make many goals and try to reach them.
I will behave more.
I will be a better leader.
I will focus more in school and I will keep this letter
and read this paper when I need help.

I am so proud. And that is not meant to be tongue-in-cheek.

A Moral Dilemma

Solomon and I had a brief conversation about war, soldiers and death the other day. I don't remember all the details of it. We have a lot of conversations like this; it's the way my boys are.

But Solomon asked something that he's never asked before, something I've never heard a child his age ask. He said, "What makes us the good guys? If American soldiers go into another country and kill people, aren't they bad guys then?"

The Chess Tournament

Solomon played in his first chess tournament yesterday. He's recently become really interested in the game and will play anyone who takes the time. He joined the chess club at school on Wednesday mornings and he's learning a lot there.

I taught him the basic moves 3 years ago and he started beating me shortly afterward. Granted, I am the last person who could be called good at chess but he was not yet 6 at the time! Now it's gotten to the point that he surprises me with some of his moves, ones that I had no idea were coming. Which, again, doesn't take a lot when I'm playing chess, but still. Can you tell I'm proud of him?

I was really impressed yesterday. Solomon is an impulsive kid and doesn't always listen when it counts. Since this was his first time in a setting like this, I was worried that he'd miss out on important instructions and be sorry about it later. But he didn't. He sat right in front at the players' meeting before all the action began and he soaked up every bit of it. He was calm and focused.

He lost his first two games and I was worried that he'd start to get down on himself after that. But he impressed me again. The tournament directors did a good job of constantly reminding the kids that this was all for fun, that they should do their best and enjoy the games, that they might learn something from the games they lost.

And then Solomon won the third game. I've never seen a happier smile on my child's face. It was a great feeling, for both of us. He lost his fourth game and won the last. I was floored by his composure during the whole thing. It was a long day with a lot of waiting around for pairings and standings to be posted but he kept his cool through the majority of it.

He received a participation trophy and lots of valuable pointers for the future. And it was nice to find out that of the three kids who beat Solomon, one was undefeated all day and another only lost one of his games.

How Did They Get to be This Cool?

Samuel and Solomon like Linkin Park. (Obviously, I censor what they listen to.) All three kids are well on their way to appreciating music as much as I do.

Miriam is compassionate. Her teacher told me she translates for the child in her class who knows very little English.

Solomon wants to be a movie director. He's making a movie in his head already. Every once in a while he tells me about a new part in it.

Miriam wants to be an artist when she grows up. I tell her that she already is and she beams. One of her art projects was chosen to be displayed in a shopping mall near here.

Solomon really loves chess. A few weeks ago he said, "Chess club is kind of a dorky thing to do, isn't it? That's okay, I like being a nerd."

Samuel has a mental running list of his favorite songs. Every once in a while one comes on the radio and he dances along or plays air guitar. Sometimes he informs me that one of his favorite songs has changed or he gets mad at me for changing the station in the middle of a new favorite song.

The kids' favorite shows are on the Discovery Channel. They love Dirty Jobs, Man vs. Wild, Mythbusters and Cash Cab.

My Kid is Amazing

My eldest child is what I call a high needs child. He was a high needs baby and I predict he'll be a high needs teenager and adult. It requires much patience and creativity to deal with him. As a baby, he needed just the right amount of affection. Too much and he pushed back and voiced his opinion mightily. Too little and he got clingy and whiny.

Solomon has always been imaginative; almost too much so. He can watch a television show or play a video game for just half an hour, but hours later he'll still be going over things that could have happened or should have happened. He is funny and he makes me laugh about something every day. Sometimes he makes me laugh at the worst time, say when I'm upset with him and need to re-direct him.

Solomon's exuberance means that I spend a lot of time reminding him to "use an inside voice, please." I have to be very explicit in my directions and requests. I have to say exactly what I mean because he is very literal. Solomon keeps me on my toes; if I'm not consistent, he'll either call me on it, or walk right over me. He is, at times, exhausting.

I was anxious about the school year starting. Homework has been a large source of contention in our house since first grade. Behavior in class has been a problem to some extent, too. But Solomon transitioned into the school routine very smoothly. He did his homework with a minimum of complaining and actually said, more than once, that he likes some of his homework. He invested himself in school activities like running club and choir and made lots of new friends.

I tried not to get my hopes too high. I thought maybe we were in the honeymoon phase of a new school year. But the days and weeks stretched on and I noticed that Solomon is really helpful at home now. I can ask him to clean the bathroom sink or vacuum the living room and he does it without any problem. He helps his brother and sister with things they can't reach. In short, he's growing up.

This week Solomon's teacher let me know that he would be getting a High Flyer Award for this trimester of the school year. This is an award given to two students in each class, each trimester. These awards go to students who consistently demonstrate responsibility, helpfulness, respect and hard work. I am so happy about this I tear up when I think about it.

At the award ceremony this afternoon I was thrilled to see my child standing on the stage with his ear-to-ear grin. It's a small thing, but that moment made all the anxiety and frustration of the past couple of years worth it.