Exhaustion

I am exhausted -- mentally, physically, emotionally and even financially. It's hard to remember that just a week ago I was so well-rested I couldn't fall asleep at night. So many things are going on right now, it's all I can do to remember to eat.

We are going to be audited at work next week. Federal auditors. Thick regulations handbooks. Complicated questions. Scrutinzing stares. To prepare for this, we've tortured ourselves since August. This week we have stepped it up about 14 notches. I can't take anymore. I wouldn't be surprised if my retaliatory instinct kicked in and I tossed a few handbooks at the auditor when he/she/it walks through my office door. I might be merciful and aim for the heart but I'll most likely aim for the kneecaps.

In between moments spent preparing for this audit I still have to see sick and injured kids and deal with Miss Hypochondriac. (Don't even get me started on Miss Hypochondriac. She induces unreasonable anger in me.) I empathize with the sick and injured children but they exhaust me. There is a never-ending list of complaints. "My tummy hurts." "I 'frowed' up." "Mommy forgot my medicine." I know I kind of asked for it, becoming a school nurse and all but seriously. I'm tired.

And then there is this emotional stuff. I am moving. While it's definitely something that I want to do and I know I will not regret it ... it's still unbelievably hard. This has been my home and my life for nearly 9 years. I am going to miss it. I've discovered that I can handle being thrillingly excited about something. And as much as it hurts, I can take being sad, too. But dealing with both emotions about the same thing is harder than dealing with either one alone.

The nice thing about working for this district is that we get paid early in December. It's nice to get that check before Christmas. But that means it's not a month until the next pay day: it's 6 weeks until the next pay day. That makes January a bit tight toward the middle. No extra trips to the video store, skip the morning frappuccino and take leftovers for lunch. Fun, fun, fun.

So, yeah. I am exhausted. I need to get this audit finished. I need to finish the moving plans. I need my paycheck. And I need a nice glass of reisling.