It's Been a While

Nice way to leave you hanging, huh?  Not knowing if I have cancer and all.  Eh, I figured no one was all that worried.  You all discovered via e-mail or phone call or in person or on Facebook (how good am I at the e-communication?!) that all was good.  Actually, come to think of it, if there's anyone reading this who didn't already know that my final path report was benign, I'd like to know who you are.  'Cause you might be one of the El Anonymous commenters.  So stand up and take a bow.  Or something.

Truth be told, I've not been in such a bloggish mood lately.  I think of something to write and I'm all, "Huh. I suppose that could be interesting.  If I could be bothered to drag out the ol' laptop and actually place my fingers upon the keys.  But Ye Olde Laptop is all the way over there.  And I'm tired from all the surgery and work and kids and cooking and laundry and dishes and organizing and budgeting and dealing with the ex-husband and eating and sleeping and breathing and not running.  It can wait." Yeah, I'm just a creative well-spring of words these days. Ugh.

So.

I have officially begun all of my classes. Clinical Calculations for Some Type of Medical Person is just fine, as is Nutrition for the Some Other Kind of Medical Person. Microbiology for the Super Smart Medico is freaking kicking my behind in a seriously scary, painful, nerve-wracking way. Yuck-o. I'm askeered. I want to drop it and then take it again in the Winter 2011 semester in an actual classroom with actual lectures and actual labs but I'm afraid of what that might do to the financial aid I've already budgeted into my life for the next 3 months.

I'm not working out. That probably has a lot to do with how 'blah-ish' I'm feeling lately. I don't have the energy for it. That's probably because I've almost forgotten what vegetables are. I need to find some carrots and squash, stat. I bet that would snap me out of this funk. Someone wanna give me a shove in the right direction? Please?

Seriously, I'm doing okay. I feel great, actually, considering that my throat was cut open less than a month ago. The scar is still sore.  Sometimes I forget that it's there and accidentally scratch an itch or something. When that happens there are a few seconds of blinding, "Oh. My. Gosh. What the %*#$? Did you think for a second that you have a normal neck?! OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!" And then I forget about it again.  Other than that, I'd never know that I'd had surgery.

My kids are amazing. I realized the other day that I have more moments of enjoyment with my kids than not. Sadly, a couple of years ago I couldn't say that. There was a lot of stress and anxiety and general malaise that caused me not to enjoy much of anything having to do with child-rearing. I'm not sure when it happened exactly but all of a sudden I started having these moments of thinking,  

"Wow. This is cool. These kids are fabulous. I'm lucky to be doing this," 

and they far out-numbered the moments of thinking,  

"Geez, when is this going to end?  IamsoexhaustedIfeellikeIamgoingtodiebeforetheyareadults." 

It makes me happy and sad to figure this out. Happy because I really like the phase we're in. Sad because I probably missed out on some great moments. Sad because I'm slightly afraid that this is all going to be blown to smithereens in a few short years by teenage angst and hormones and yucky stuff. But for now, I'm going to savor it.

Because now is good and that's what I'm about.

Yup, even with all the health issues and all the work and all the stress and all the school and all the tight budgeting, I'm happy.  I'm still savoring moments and feeling like this is a good life.  I've been dealt a good lot and that's more than a lot of people can say.

And now I'm rambling. I have bread rising in the oven and I've had some wine and it's time to go to bed. After I punch down the dough. See ya.