General Life Update

It's finally, well and truly spring. I am loving every single second of the glorious sunshine and breathing in this amazing, fresh air while appreciating new buds and blossoms every where. The longer I live here and the more winters I endure, the more I love spring and summer.

The spring semester is nearly over. I can taste the freedom that lays on the other side of finals week. I have struggled with this semester. The work load isn't all that heavy; it just consists of a lot of new-to-me concepts. I am taking Intro to Chemistry and Biology II. I haven't had any chemistry in 18 years so it might as well never have happened. Bio II requires memorization of lots of life cycles I've never learned, cladistics (a word I did not know 10 weeks ago), and general maddening info that most people never know. In any case, I am almost finished and I am fairly confident I'll eke out As or Bs in lecture and lab for both classes.

I've enrolled in Chemistry I next semester. Originally, I also enrolled in Statistics because I found out I'm still lacking a semester of math and because statistics is integral to scientific research, which I want to do some day. But that would have required going to school 4 nights per week. There are many reasons I cannot do that: 1) I cannot handle working 4 days a week and going to school 4 nights a week while caring for kids and a home; 2) There is no way I can ask to be the early person at work all 4 days I am there so I can get to class by 6:00. My co-workers would revolt. 3) Chem I and Stats?! In the same semester?! No way, no how. Since Chem I and II are prerequisites to most of the other stuff I need for both my major and minor, I dropped Stats and will take it the following semester. This means I am only taking 1 class next semester when I've always taken 2 classes at a time. That puts me behind a bit but I think it's better to be behind than burned out.

Solomon is doing quite well. He's taking a lot more responsibility for his school work. As a third year band student, the time commitment is much heavier than it was the previous two years. His abilities are improving dramatically. He auditioned for both symphonic and jazz band for the high school and made both. He also joined the wrestling team at the middle school again this spring. Last year he won only one match out of the whole season and was pretty discouraged about it. The experience last year and hard work this year really paid off because he did so much better. He's gotten so strong and flexible! We were able to sign him up for an extended freestyle season at his future high school and he really, really loves it.

Miriam is really blossoming. She has made the honor roll several quarters in the last 2 years and that's even with taking honors reading and writing. As a result, she was recently invited to join the National Junior Honor Society. She is applying to be a WEB Leader for next school year. This is a student ambassador group which works throughout the school year to help new students and incoming 6th graders adjust to life in their school. I think she will be amazing at it. She still tends toward the quieter side in large groups of people but she can and does speak up when it's needed. Beyond school, she continues to be compassionate, sensitive, and friendly to a diverse group of people. She has a wicked sense of humor and makes me laugh all the time.

Samuel is still struggling a bit in school, but I've been able to work with his teachers and speech therapists to get more support in place for middle school next year. I have a feeling it will be a rough transition for him. I know he's tough, though and I'm sure he can rise to the challenge. He certainly is excited about it. We went to the middle school for a Sneak Peak night last week. They sent all the 5th graders on a scavenger hunt through the school to find various teachers, classrooms, and other important locations in the building. He told Miriam he didn't want help figuring things out and he ended up doing 90% of it on his own. He continues to be completely enthralled by video games and still says he wants to design them when he grows up.

Parenting, in general, is much less sucky than it was 10 years ago, or even 2 years ago. Solomon and I had a tough couple of years recently. We butted heads almost constantly over almost everything. But the last year has been much, much better. He's growing up so much and I'm learning how to parent a teenager. It's not easy -- for either of us -- but it's easier than it was. This new found peace is translating well into my relationships with the other 2 kids. I am really enjoying being a mom to older kids instead of toddlers and preschoolers. I am more and more solid every day in my decision to be done with babies. Man, that was rough.

In conclusion, life is pretty dang good and that makes me smile.

Real Talk

Solomon and I had some alone time in the car this morning on our way to a doctor's appointment.  We were listening to Macklemore and Ryan Lewis' "Same Love."  It reminded me of a YouTube video we had seen over the weekend -- one where a man orchestrated a fun flash mob and public marriage proposal for his boyfriend.

When the song ended I asked Solomon what he had thought about that video.  This is the conversation that followed.

S:  I just felt really happy that those guys are being seen as humans now when before they weren't.  Now they can actually get married.  It made me feel good for them.

Me:  I still don't think I ever want to get married again but it makes me happy to see other people happy about getting married.  I thought pretty much the same thing.  Did you have any other thoughts?

S:  No, just pretty much that.

-- pause --

I told some of my friends that I support gay marriage.  They accused me of being gay.  I just said, "So what if I am?" and they looked shocked.  I told them, "I'm not, but if I was, you should treat me just the same.  It's not fair to treat someone badly because of that."

I was so choked up by that point that I couldn't speak for full minute.  I finally told Solomon that I am so proud of him.  I told him that a lot of kids would be too scared to stick with what they believe when their friends voice opposite opinions.  The fact that he stuck with it makes me prouder than anything else in my life.

Appreciating the View from the Other Side

I may have mentioned before how Dad spent most of every evening of most of my childhood helping me through my math homework.  It was pretty arduous but Dad was unfailingly patient.  If I didn't understand how he explained it at first, he'd come up with a different way.  And if I still didn't get it, he'd come up with yet another way.  And when I cried and wailed that I would never, ever survive, he didn't give up, he didn't walk away, he didn't wash his hands of me.  He just got me through it.

Recently Miriam has needed more help with math homework.  Tonight we spent close to an hour finishing the last eight problems of her homework.  She didn't understand the first two times we went through it and I struggled to come up with a third explanation.  It took a while for her to get it but she finally did. 

During this time I came to appreciate, on another level, what Dad went through with me.  It's tough being the kid doing the homework, not understanding what the teacher said earlier, forgetting the tips in the textbook.  It's a different kind of tough to be the parent who helps.  To see the answer before the problem is finished.  To want the child to understand why the problem works the way it does.  To skirt around what seems like a very obvious answer so the child can figure it out herself.  To wonder if the child really grasps the concept and isn't just nodding and smiling along.  That's tough.

So tonight, while I've always been beyond grateful to my Dad for all his years of math help, tonight I understood from the other side.  And I am even more grateful now that while he was teaching me math, he was also teaching me how to help my own children with their math.  If it weren't for my dad's guidance and excellent example, I wouldn't be able to help my own children.

Thank you, Dad.  I love you.

Kids' Take on New Parenting

Samuel is harassing Miriam about something trivial.

She's exasperated and says to me, "Mom, make him stop this!"

I calmly reply, "You're a smart kid, you can work this out."

Miriam asks, "Why don't you ever help us out any more?!"

Solomon jumps in with, "It's not that she's isn't helping us.  She's just letting us figure stuff out on our own.  How else can we learn?"

Changing My Parenting

I've never been very big on self-help books or parenting books or anything like that.  They're preachy and condescending and annoying.  I am the authority on me and I don't need someone with a PhD to tell me how to deal with the stuff in my life.  Right?

But then one morning a few weeks ago I had a near-breakdown over not having enough time for breakfast or sleep or homework or to get to school and work on time or to do chores or to relax.  Not enough time for anything.  I yelled at the kids again and they continued to move at their snail's pace and they continued to walk away from their backpacks and jackets instead of picking them up and putting them on.

I have had this terrible thought over the last few weeks that I haven't been teaching my children responsibility.  Rather, I've been teaching them to respond to my yelling and frustration.  I'm talking at them until I'm blue in the face and my blood pressure is 162/98 and they're still forgetting that they need to take a snack to school or that they need to wear gloves when it's 19F outside.  I'm e-mailing their teachers weekly about homework and missed tests and issues with classmates.  I'm not doing them any favors like this.

So right then and there, leaning on the kitchen counter and breathing deeply, I bought "Parenting with Love and Logic" with the Amazon app on my phone.  It was one of those moments when I've just had enough.  Or too much.  I'd had too much and I couldn't take it any more.

When the book arrived I read half of it that same evening.  It's so simple, it's brilliant.  The premise is that kids are adults in training and if you don't treat them like that, they'll eventually become adults -- 'cause that's biology -- that act like kids -- 'cause that is what you brought them up to be.  It's much easier to let kids mess up now than it is to let them loose in the world where messing up means you lose a job or a house or worse.

So I've started stepping back.  I've stopped e-mailing the teachers, I've stopped pushing the homework, I've stopped the reminders about snacks, jackets and bed time.  That's done.

Instead of harping on weather appropriate clothing, I've told the kids what the weather is supposed to be like and let them dress however they think they'll be most comfortable.  If they don't wear snow boots and it snows and they have to walk home in it, they'll likely remember to take their boots next time there is snow in the weather report.

Instead of stressing out over a pre-set bedtime and getting all bent out of shape when it doesn't happen, I've laid out 2 requirements: 1) teeth must be brushed and 2) I don't see or hear any children in this house after 8:30, unless there is an emergency.  If they're exhausted at wake up time, they'll probably decide that getting a little more sleep is wise.

Instead of mediating the spats and the bickering I calmly suggest that they go some where else, together or alone, and deal with it however they think is best.  They're more likely to learn that hearing each other out, sticking up for themselves, making sincere apologies and having some patience work out problems rather well most of the time.

Instead of nagging the kids about leaving their things lying around, I've instituted the nightly sweep.  At 8:00 PM anything that is lying around in the common areas of the house is confiscated and place in the Confiscation Box.  On Sundays the sweep occurs at 5:00 PM and includes bedrooms.  Things that have been confiscated can be earned back by doing a chore.

Some amazing things have happened since all the Insteads were instituted.  The most amazing thing is that the house runs much more smoothly and there is a much lower level of stress for all of us.  I'm not so uptight because I've stopped making the kids' problems into my problems.  They're less stressed because I'm not hassling them all the time.

It's been slow going, but the kids are definitely stepping up and taking responsibility for a lot more things in their daily lives.  The mistakes they have made, while not catastrophic -- let's face it, they're kids -- have been true learning opportunities.  They take ownership of them and they work out some way to fix it, the best they can.  They're more likely to say to me that they messed up because it's no longer my "job" to preach to them about how they should have done things differently.  I listen to them and I ask them how they're going to fix things.  That's it.

This is the simplest and best change I've ever made to our home life.  I love it.

On Growing Up

Remember this?  A few weeks ago I was in a hurry to get the kids off to bed and I forgot to do the official tucking in routine with Miriam.  I tucked her in but didn't do the multiple kisses or ask her what she wanted to dream about.  The next night she told me that I had forgotten the night before.  I apologized and did it twice that night to make it up to her.  It warmed my heart that that still means so much to her and I've made certain not to forget it again, no matter how harried bedtime might be.

Also recently, Solomon came into my room around 4:00 am to tell me he had been awake for a while and couldn't get back to sleep. I suggested trying a relaxation technique where he imagines he's on a warm beach with the sound of waves on the sand and birds singing and the smell of fruit and tropical flowers in the air.  He said he'd tried that.  So I invited him to come lie down with me.  He gave me an odd look and seemed hesitant but he laid down -- on the very edge of the bed, with barely a scrap of blanket and a corner of a pillow.  I giggled inwardly and lay back down myself.  In less than 15 minutes he was completely out and had repositioned himself comfortably with a hand in my face and a knee in my belly.  When the alarm went off 2 hours later he succumbed to a few minutes of snuggling and didn't flinch at all.

Samuel, on the other hand, isn't shy at all about snuggling, even in public.  That kid will happily plop himself onto my lap in the doctor's office waiting room, in a restaurant and even at school!  He always wants to hold my hand and he's constantly trying to sniff me or twiddle his fingers in my hair.  He would sleep in my bed every single night if he thought I'd let him get away with it.  It would be annoying if I thought he was going to continue this for the next 12 years.  But I know he won't so I bask in it and love him right back.

When I Grow Up ...

Around the dinner table tonight, we got on the topic of future plans for making a living.  It comes up every once in a while and I'm always interested to hear what the kids have sprouting in their imaginations.  Miriam said she wants to be a teacher, probably an art teacher.  Samuel wants to be an artist or an inventor.  Solomon wants to be a scientist or a veterinarian or an astronaut or something else that I can't remember at the moment.  That boy thinks big, and I do mean BIG.

I don't know if I gave enough thought to the "When I grow up ..." stuff when I was a kid and I want to encourage my children to think about it a lot. I want them to feel confident that they can do whatever they want to do.  I want them to explore different ideas and dreams.  I want them to pick the most satisfying and fulfilling one they can.  I want them to know that it's going to be difficult, that it will take a lot of hard work and discipline and determination. I don't want that to be a surprise to them.

I'm glad they're seeing me in school. I hope to be an inspiration to them in their future endeavors. I also want to be an example of how not to do things: for example, finish school before you move on to having children. Because both things are very hard to do, but they're exponentially more difficult when you're doing them both at the same time.

When I grow up, I'm going to have raise 3 amazing human beings.

Another Step

I have had a goodnight routine with the kids since they were very young; I think Solomon was maybe 3 when I started this.  That means Miriam was 2 and Samuel was an infant.  They really don't remember anything else for goodnights.  I kiss them on their cheeks and on their foreheads and between each kiss I say, "Good night," "Sleep tight" and "Dream of what tonight?"  And then they tell me what they're planning to dream about.

They love it.  Or at least 2 of them still do.

The last couple of weeks I noticed that when I sent Solomon to get ready for bed he wasn't coming back to tell me good night or let me know that he was ready to be tucked in.  Every night I still went in to tell him good night and frequently he pretended to be asleep when I kissed him.  Two nights ago I asked him if he is too grown up for the old goodnight routine.  He looked embarrassed and admitted that yeah, he does not like it any more.  So I told him that's okay, it's part of growing up to change things like that.  Instead, I tucked him in, hugged him and told him that I love him.  Last night he said that he doesn't really even want to be 'tucked in' any more; he'd rather get a hug in the kitchen or in my room or wherever I happen to be and just go to bed on his own.

Gosh, he's becoming an adolescent, isn't he?

I'm not bothered by this change.  I know it's part of growing up and I'd rather he tell me that he's uncomfortable with it so that I don't keep doing it and bugging him and keeping him a 'baby.'  I wondered to myself at the beginning of the school year if he'd stop some of the sort of attached behaviors that we have.  For example, when he gets out of the car in the morning, he waves to me with his hand formed in the ASL sign for "I love you."  That's another thing the kids and I have done for a very long time.  He hasn't stopped it yet but I think it's coming soon.

I'm not bothered at all, but it is bittersweet.  My boy.  :sigh:

It's Been a While

Nice way to leave you hanging, huh?  Not knowing if I have cancer and all.  Eh, I figured no one was all that worried.  You all discovered via e-mail or phone call or in person or on Facebook (how good am I at the e-communication?!) that all was good.  Actually, come to think of it, if there's anyone reading this who didn't already know that my final path report was benign, I'd like to know who you are.  'Cause you might be one of the El Anonymous commenters.  So stand up and take a bow.  Or something.

Truth be told, I've not been in such a bloggish mood lately.  I think of something to write and I'm all, "Huh. I suppose that could be interesting.  If I could be bothered to drag out the ol' laptop and actually place my fingers upon the keys.  But Ye Olde Laptop is all the way over there.  And I'm tired from all the surgery and work and kids and cooking and laundry and dishes and organizing and budgeting and dealing with the ex-husband and eating and sleeping and breathing and not running.  It can wait." Yeah, I'm just a creative well-spring of words these days. Ugh.

So.

I have officially begun all of my classes. Clinical Calculations for Some Type of Medical Person is just fine, as is Nutrition for the Some Other Kind of Medical Person. Microbiology for the Super Smart Medico is freaking kicking my behind in a seriously scary, painful, nerve-wracking way. Yuck-o. I'm askeered. I want to drop it and then take it again in the Winter 2011 semester in an actual classroom with actual lectures and actual labs but I'm afraid of what that might do to the financial aid I've already budgeted into my life for the next 3 months.

I'm not working out. That probably has a lot to do with how 'blah-ish' I'm feeling lately. I don't have the energy for it. That's probably because I've almost forgotten what vegetables are. I need to find some carrots and squash, stat. I bet that would snap me out of this funk. Someone wanna give me a shove in the right direction? Please?

Seriously, I'm doing okay. I feel great, actually, considering that my throat was cut open less than a month ago. The scar is still sore.  Sometimes I forget that it's there and accidentally scratch an itch or something. When that happens there are a few seconds of blinding, "Oh. My. Gosh. What the %*#$? Did you think for a second that you have a normal neck?! OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!" And then I forget about it again.  Other than that, I'd never know that I'd had surgery.

My kids are amazing. I realized the other day that I have more moments of enjoyment with my kids than not. Sadly, a couple of years ago I couldn't say that. There was a lot of stress and anxiety and general malaise that caused me not to enjoy much of anything having to do with child-rearing. I'm not sure when it happened exactly but all of a sudden I started having these moments of thinking,  

"Wow. This is cool. These kids are fabulous. I'm lucky to be doing this," 

and they far out-numbered the moments of thinking,  

"Geez, when is this going to end?  IamsoexhaustedIfeellikeIamgoingtodiebeforetheyareadults." 

It makes me happy and sad to figure this out. Happy because I really like the phase we're in. Sad because I probably missed out on some great moments. Sad because I'm slightly afraid that this is all going to be blown to smithereens in a few short years by teenage angst and hormones and yucky stuff. But for now, I'm going to savor it.

Because now is good and that's what I'm about.

Yup, even with all the health issues and all the work and all the stress and all the school and all the tight budgeting, I'm happy.  I'm still savoring moments and feeling like this is a good life.  I've been dealt a good lot and that's more than a lot of people can say.

And now I'm rambling. I have bread rising in the oven and I've had some wine and it's time to go to bed. After I punch down the dough. See ya.

Again

Remember this?  Well, we're waiting again.  I saw on Facebook last night that the ex-husband's new wife was going into the hospital for an induction today.  I have lots of opinions about early inductions but I really don't feel like getting into them right now.  She went in at 5:00 this morning and as of 6:00 this evening she wasn't yet dilated to 4 cm.  (That right there? One of the reasons I don't want to get into my anti-induction opinions.  It's frustrating and not really worth it, but whatever.)  Anyway, we're waiting.  Again, with the kids' excitement -- big time excitement because it's a girl and Miriam has been desperate for a sister for a looong time -- and again with my ambivalence.  Ugh.

My Kidlets are Home With Me & Other Stuff

I enjoy my kid breaks.  I'd be crazy not to -- a single mom whose life is wrapped up in 3 not-so-small persons the majority of the time.  I need my breaks.  I relish them. 

But when we have a long break in the summer, I start to feel anxious toward the end of it.  I know that my summer freedom is not reality and I feel a little groundless after a while of that.  The kids and the routines that we have established help me feel rooted in real life.  There's not so much fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants when they're here and I need that.

Anyway, the kids are home with me again.  They started school last Monday.  The transition has gone shockingly smoothly.  The post-dad-spoiling detoxification has gone really well.  I'm afraid to think about that too much.  We're planning Miriam's birthday party, setting up play dates and soaking up all the last bits of summer that we can.

I'm finally officially registered for college again.  I'm waiting on the financial aid documentation to come through and shopping for books.  My schedule couldn't be better, really.  I'm cutting back my work days to just 3 per week -- Monday, Wednesday and Friday.  All my classes are online so I'll stay at home on Tuesday and Thursday to do school work.  I will be taking clinical calculations (a math class), microbiology and nutrition.

The way ADN programs work in Colorado is a little different from the way they work in Texas.  All of my credits from Texas transferred (Yay!) and I have a few that I didn't even need.  That means when this semester is finished I'm technically done with pre-requisites and can apply to next fall's ADN program in February.  I'll use next semester to take pre-reqs for the BSN program that I want to transfer to when I'm done with ADN.

I have two chances to get into the ADN program, which is merit-based.  I can apply to the straight ADN program, which takes 2 years and I can apply to the LPN to ADN program, which is one year.  I have excellent chances of getting into either of them, though obviously the bridge is more desirable because of its brevity. I'm really excited.  I want to the get the next couple of brutal years over with so I can have more options open to me.

I've slowly realized that this is the optimal time to get school over with.  I wanted to wait until my kids were a little older so I wouldn't have to depend on day care to get us through it. However, I can't wait until they're too much older because then they could potentially spend a lot of time at home alone while I'm in school and I definitely don't want that, either.  So this is perfect.  I'll be completely done with school before Solomon gets to high school and then I can spend more time with the kids, transporting them to extra curricular activities and spectating at band concerts and athletic games.  They're really going to need me a lot then and I can be there for them.

I have lots more to write about but it will have to wait.  We have a birthday party and shoe shopping on the agenda for today and it's time to get started.

I Hate the First Week After Breaks

I really do.  When the kids are with the ex-husband in Albuquerque they eat all manner of crappy food, stay up way past anyone's decent bed time and are generally spoiled rotten by movies, video games, candy, amusement parks and no responsibilities.  Then they have to come back here where I *gasp* make them eat healthful meals, go to bed at an appropriate time, do chores and I can't spend money on every entertainment their little hearts desire.  It sucks for all of us.

So last week I was in a funk.  It's tough enough to write about the mundane things during times like that, never mind the extraordinary ones.  But we made it through the week.  Literally one week of nagging, hounding, whining (both theirs and mine) and crying.  Sunday was a great day and Sunday marked one week of the kids being back here with me.

Today was fabulous.  Well, except for the minor frustrations this morning with Samuel's toothbrush.  And his jacket.  And his shoes.  But that's kind of normal.  We had a delicious, balanced meal and each kid was only reminded once to eat the veggies.  I did not only a load of laundry, but also unloaded the dishwasher from yesterday, reloaded it after dinner and ran it!  The kids had minimal homework that was done quickly and they even had time for some tv and a half hour of computer games.  Everyone went to bed (almost) on time.

:contented sigh:

I hate Week One after school breaks.  Week Two is okay.

Parent Teacher Conferences, Again

I met with each of the kids' teachers.  They're all doing fantastically.  I already knew that, but it's nice to have their teachers say so, you know?  I am so proud of them and all of their hard work.  I told each of the kids that their hard work is what makes me happiest.  Getting As is nice and all, but what I really want is to know that they're all doing their best and giving it their all.

Everyone is 'proficient' in all the core subjects -- meaning that they are performing at grade level -- except for one.  Solomon has almost caught up in reading.  That's been the subject he has struggled with immensely since first grade.  Fortunately, between his perseverance and his teachers' patience, he's doing much better.  He has made huge strides in fluency and comprehension just since this year began so I have a great feeling about how things will look when we meet again in a couple of months.

On the behavior front, things are good also.  Fortunately, that hasn't been a problem with my kids.  I feel very lucky -- at least, when they're at school.  Ha!  Home is another issue entirely, but it usually is, right?

So that's how things are at school.  My kids are brilliant.

/shameless bragging

I Had a Flashback (& Thank You)

Tonight Samuel wanted to tell me about a story his teacher read in class today.  He insisted on telling me every single detail, no matter how small and using voices and expressions like his teacher did.  It took forever.  It took the entire time we ate dinner.  Solomon and Miriam didn't get to talk at all.

While I was spacing out completely listening, I remembered a family dinner many years ago when Jennifer and I told Mom and Dad about a movie we had seen in school.  I think it was called The Million Dollar Duck or something like that and yes, it really was that lame. Anyway, Jennifer and I thought it was terrific and that our parents needed to know every. single. detail.  And we didn't miss any of them.  It took all of dinner and then some, with the two of us alternating parts, interrupting each other and being quite annoying I'm sure.  But Mom and Dad let us go on and on and on.  I don't know how they did it.  They don't even drink.

So anyway, I let Samuel continue because I remember Mom and Dad putting up with our yammering.  That was important to me.  I didn't notice so much then but every time I've thought of it since, I've marveled at my parents' patience in listening to that whole long, boring narrative and not acting the least bit put out or exasperated.  Thank you, Mom and Dad, for doing that.  And for all the other countless, selfless things you did for me as I was growing up.  I know I'll never remember them all or be able to thank you for them.  But thank you.

I Am So Proud

Miriam is in an advanced reading class.  I'm extremely proud of that but it's not the reason for this post.  Her class has been learning how to tell stories with expression and emotion.  To do that each student has memorized a story from another culture and they have presented them to each other in pairs and to their class as a whole.  Last night they presented them to family and friends in a show called the Folk Tale Festival.

Miriam started talking up the Folk Tale Festival several weeks ago.  She seemed really excited about it and kept asking if we could go.  At that point I wasn't sure what it was.  But then she came home 2 weeks ago with an invitation that she made herself.  I realized then that the Folk Tale Festival coincided with the ex-husband coming to town to spend this weekend with the kids since they have 2 days off school.  I thought that was a perfect opportunity for him to see more of where the kids are and who they're with all day.  The ex-husband agreed that it was a good idea and we made plans for it.

When I got off the phone Miriam collapsed into a crying mess and said that she didn't want to go.  It was a huge mess, figuring out what was wrong.  We finally decided that Miriam was probably nervous about performing in front of not just a group of strangers, but also her parents.  The teacher told me that Miriam was under no obligation to actually tell her story in public, that her grade was already determined by her work in class.  So I told Miriam that she would decide whether to perform her story and we left it there.

Last night I had serious doubts that she'd actually go through with it.  She still wouldn't commit to performing but wouldn't say that she wasn't doing it, either.  Finally, at the very end Miriam got up, put on the microphone headset and introduced her story.  She was very quiet and didn't add any embellishments to the story but she did it!  She spoke clearly without stumbling on her words and she was fantastic!  I was so excited and proud I couldn't stand it.  I admit it, I cried.

Miriam amazes me.  I really don't know how to put this into sufficient words.  If you know her you know that she is possibly she shyest child ever born to this earth.  She's extremely emotional -- sadness, anger, happiness, giddiness, silliness, they're all expressed in extremes -- in the privacy of our family but other people rarely see this because of her extreme shyness.  I've worried that she might have trouble in social situations throughout her life because of this.  But now I know she's going to be fine.  She possesses determination, smarts and discernment already at this young age and that is a great reassurance to me.

She is Definitely My Daughter

Miriam knows how to appropriately use their/they're/there and you're/your.  My job as a parent is at least 33.3% done.

edited to add: I forgot!  She also has its/it's down pat!

Found in Miriam's Schoolwork

Hero = Mom 

My mom is the best hero in the world. My hero is my mom because she is strong and caring. My mom is my hero for two reasons. The first reason is because she is strong and she raised three children and has a big family. The second reason my mom is my hero is because she is caring all the time and she makes good food for my brothers and I. I love my mom because she loves my brothers and I. Certinley my mom is my hero.

I guess I'm doing something right.

My Best Idea Yet

I decided recently to allow the kids to earn extra computer time by doing chores.  For each minute of work, they get a minute of computer time.  Also, they can have computer time taken away in 5 minute increments for certain infractions -- this is more effective than time outs now that they are older.  And I've been rewarding cooperation with 5 extra minutes of computer time here and there. So far it's working out excellently.

Until now, I've had to beg, plead and bargain to get them to do simple things like clean their sink, dust, unload the dishwasher, put away clothes and vacuum.  And forget more distasteful things like cleaning the toilet, folding clothes and helping empty the trash -- those required direct supervision and included lots of whining.

But with this new system, they're practically begging to do housework.  And! -- they actually appreciate the effort it takes to do these things.  The other night, Solomon cleaned their sink and then realized he needed to brush his teeth and spit.  He decided to spit in the kitchen sink (I know, I know.  Baby steps!) rather than undo his work.  I pointed out that he could spit and rinse so he'll be doing that in the future.  But he recognized that it was work.  Miriam has, too.  She vacuumed the dining room on Friday afternoon.  That evening she admonished her brothers to eat carefully and not spill crumbs every where.

I can't believe I didn't do this before.

Why I Will be Happy for the Kids to Grow Up

Disclaimer:  This is a Debbie Downer post.  I'm fully aware of that.  I'm not usually in this state of mind and you know it.  But this has been a difficult couple of weeks and I need to vent.  Thank you.

When the kids grow up there will be no more:

• mysterious stomach symptoms, followed by puking
• obsessive-compulsive throat clearing
• remembering who gets the first computer turn today, who gets to sit where, who gets the 'special' fork or who gets any one of the numerous things they argue about
• invasion of my bed at 6 AM with tossing and turning, flicking at my ears, asking for food, wiggling incessantly and finally running frantically to the bathroom to pee
• peed beds
• homework wrangling
• coordinating of visits with the ex-husband
• coordinating of anything with the ex-husband
  
• deciding where to live based mostly on where they will go to school
• book fairs, skating parties, volunteering at school or scheduling parent/teacher conferences
• backseat fighting
• "Move!", or "Don't do that!", or "Stoooooop iiiiit!"
• crying over computer games that are too difficult or too violent or too everything
• being afraid of the dark or monsters or spiders
• disgusting yellow stains on and around the toilet or stale urine smell in the bathroom
• discussions of why I think drinking alcoholic beverages is okay and the ex-husband does not

I Knew This Day Was Coming

But I didn't know it would come so soon. My three children can shower alone. All of them. Even the 6-year-old. Even the 8-year-old with hair-down-to-there can wash, rinse, condition and rinse again. Alone. It's a beautiful thing.