Recent Kid Quotes

Me:  Samuel, put the sword down! Put on your shoes! You're going to be late for school!
Samuel:  But ...
Me:  Put it down!
Samuel:

... later ...

Samuel:  You know why I carry around the sword all the time?
Me:  No, why?
Samuel:  It's because of the monsters and I feel a little bit safer with the sword.
Me:  So your squishy Nerf sword is going to be protection against a zombie or vampire or other monster?  How does that work?
Samuel:  Well, the monsters are imaginary, you know.

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Miriam:  I don't think medicine makers have ever tasted real fruit.  Ever.  That does not taste like grapes!

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Solomon:  I think electrons are the key to time travel.
Me:  Why?
Solomon:  Because they can move at incredible speeds and blahblah science blahblah theories about physics and space blahblah.  Doesn't that make sense?
Me:  Um, I guess?  Where did you come up with this?
Solomon:  From science.

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Okay, so that last conversation was mostly paraphrased because my child's knowledge about space, physics and all that surpasses my own. 

Real Talk

Solomon and I had some alone time in the car this morning on our way to a doctor's appointment.  We were listening to Macklemore and Ryan Lewis' "Same Love."  It reminded me of a YouTube video we had seen over the weekend -- one where a man orchestrated a fun flash mob and public marriage proposal for his boyfriend.

When the song ended I asked Solomon what he had thought about that video.  This is the conversation that followed.

S:  I just felt really happy that those guys are being seen as humans now when before they weren't.  Now they can actually get married.  It made me feel good for them.

Me:  I still don't think I ever want to get married again but it makes me happy to see other people happy about getting married.  I thought pretty much the same thing.  Did you have any other thoughts?

S:  No, just pretty much that.

-- pause --

I told some of my friends that I support gay marriage.  They accused me of being gay.  I just said, "So what if I am?" and they looked shocked.  I told them, "I'm not, but if I was, you should treat me just the same.  It's not fair to treat someone badly because of that."

I was so choked up by that point that I couldn't speak for full minute.  I finally told Solomon that I am so proud of him.  I told him that a lot of kids would be too scared to stick with what they believe when their friends voice opposite opinions.  The fact that he stuck with it makes me prouder than anything else in my life.

Metaphors in a 9-year-old's Mind

This song was on the radio this morning. Samuel piped up from the backseat and said, "I can tell this song is from the time of the hippies." I asked how he could tell that and he said, "Because they said the big wheel keeps spinning around. They're talking about a record player and that's from hippie times."

These Kids ...

Miriam: "Can we get Pop-Tarts?"
Me: "No."
Solomon: "Pop-Tarts are full of sugar!"
Miriam: "That's why they're yummy!"
Solomon: "That's not a good enough reason."

Kids' Take on New Parenting

Samuel is harassing Miriam about something trivial.

She's exasperated and says to me, "Mom, make him stop this!"

I calmly reply, "You're a smart kid, you can work this out."

Miriam asks, "Why don't you ever help us out any more?!"

Solomon jumps in with, "It's not that she's isn't helping us.  She's just letting us figure stuff out on our own.  How else can we learn?"

My Real Name

Samuel: Solomon, why are you so difficult?

Solomon:  Because my name is 54 x 63.

Miriam: Hi, 54 x 63.

Solomon:  No, first you have to figure me out.  Then you can call me that.

Confusing a Girl

Miriam, telling me a joke: I know how to confuse a girl.
Me: Huh?
Miriam: Purple.
Me: Huh?
Miriam: See, you're confused!
Me: Why did you say, "girl"?
Miriam: Because that's the way I heard it.
Me: But it doesn't matter.  If you said that to a boy, he'd be confused, too.  If you specify that it's a girl when being a girl doesn't really matter, you're saying that girls are not as smart as boys.
Miriam, indignant:  That is NOT true! I'm never telling that joke again!!
Me, to myself: Thaaaaaat's right.

Paradise

Yesterday evening Solomon informed me that he did not get full on the breakfast I gave him yesterday morning so he went to eat school breakfast when I dropped them off.  They were supposed to be serving pancakes yesterday but when he got there they had run out and were handing out breakfast burritos instead.

"Mom, it was the best burrito I've ever had!  It had eggs and cheese and meat and paradise!"  And I swear, he swooned like Scarlett O'Hara when Ashley Wilkes walks into the ballroom at Twelve Oaks.

Fruit for Dessert

Last night, during dinner:

Me: I think we'll have some of the watermelon in the fridge for dessert tonight.
Miriam:  But that's fruit.
Me:  Yeah ... ?
Miriam:  That's not dessert.
Me:  Sure it is.  Fruit can be dessert.
Miriam:  Only if it's covered in chocolate!

Overheard

Do not go in there!  Someone just cut massive amounts of cheese!

Dinner Conversation

Tonight we talked about segregation.  Last night we talked about The Birds and The Bees.  I don't know how this stuff happens -- it just does.  And since I'm not one to pass up Teachable Moments and Life Lessons (I hate those phrases but what else do you call them?) I go with it.  Anyway, tonight it was segregation and Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King, Jr. and unfairness and anger and sadness.

Samuel was especially moved -- I don't know what's with him today, he's very in tune with his sympathetic side this evening.  He realized during the course of this conversation that life 40 years ago was extremely different from today.  His eyes welled up with tears and he said, "If my best friend Evan and I lived back then we couldn't be friends and play together!  He has brown skin!  That would make me so sad!"

I was so touched.  The innocence and the naivete ... Little do my children know that 40 years ago they very likely wouldn't have been born.  If they had they'd be living a very different life than the one they have.  We all would.  I am so grateful for progress and fairness and for those that fought so hard for all that we have today.  And I am so happy that my children are learning fairness and equality now; it's instinctual.

el-oh-el (& How Sweet is My Boy?)

Be sure to check out bored, unhelpful dog in the background around 0:20.  And please, I beg you, laugh so hard you snort; it would make me feel better about myself.



When we finished this, Samuel wasn't hysterical like Solomon, Miriam and myself.  I asked him what was wrong and he said, "If that was my puppy that couldn't turn over again, I'd help him."  And then about 5 minutes later after the other 3 of us watched it twice more and laughed ourselves silly, Samuel said, "If that was my poor puppy, I wouldn't make a video of him like that."  How sweet and sensitive is that?

Because Miriam Can't Be Left Out

Me: Miriam, what would you like to talk about today?
Miriam:  Presleigh.
Me: Who is Presleigh?
Miriam: My best friend.  She's my bestest bestest bestest friend in the whole world.
Me:  Wow, that's a lot of 'bestests.'  Why is she your best friend?
Miriam: Because we were friends since second grade and um, she's nice to me.
Me: What kind of things do you have in common?
Miriam: We're both girls and we both like to read and that's it.
Me: That's it?  That's all you have to say about your bestest bestest bestest friend in  the whole world?
Miriam: No, that's just all that we have in common.
Me: I see.  Is there anything else you want to say about Presleigh?
Miriam: Um, she's in my math class and my reading class and we're in the highest reading class for our grade.
Me: What kinds of things do you and Presleigh talk about or play on the playground?
Miriam:  Um, we play on the slides and the bridge and the monkey bars and we play with Anneya, Diddy, Lily, Krystal, Jackson, Tysen, Madison, Cindy, Caitlin, Anna, Tony, Jasmine, Kobe and that's it.
Me: Are Jackson, Tysen, Kobe and Tony any of your boyfriends?
Miriam: NO!!!!!!
Me:  Oh.  Do you have a crush on anyone at school?
Miriam: NO!!!!!!
Me: How about your friends?
Miriam: Yes! Diddy likes Jackson, Lily likes Jackson, Jasmine likes Kobe and that's it.
Me: So you don't like anyone?
Miriam:  No.
Me: Is there anything else you want to say?
Miriam:  No, I think that's it.  Bye, peeps!

Chess Tournament Again

I'm pretty sure I blogged about Solomon's chess tournament last year.  I know I at least mentioned it in passing.  Well it's that time of year again.  The tournament is sponsored by the public school district and something called the Interscholastic League so I'm spending the day in a high school cafeteria, waiting around on standings and pairings and playing practice rounds with Solomon in between actual rounds.  There's a lot of sitting around and doing nothing.  So Solomon and I are going to conduct an interview.

Me: So how did your first round go?
Solomon: My first round was very short. I really didn't even get close to beating my opponent. I learned about a move called en passant. It happens when two pawns are right next to each other. One pawn can move forward diagonally and take the opponent's pawn. This can only happen if your pawn has not attacked another piece yet in the game.
Me: Wow, so even if you don't win a game you can still learn something to help you in a future game, right?
Solomon: Yes.
Me: What about your second round?
Solomon: This one was very close.  I almost won with only my king and five pawns.  My king was in check every 3 moves but each time I found a way out of it.
Me: So what ended up trapping you?
Solomon: One of my opponent's pawns was at my king's side and she replaced it with a queen. I moved away and then one of her rooks moved in until the rook pushed my king into a trap with the queen.  Then I looked at my options and realized there was no way out.
Me: What is your strategy for the third round?
Solomon: Well, I guess I will start off with a knight because they're confusing.  And then whatever their move is, I'll bring out my second knight.  Then I shall take all the pieces I can.  Actually, I'm just imagining this.
Me: Okay, then.  We'll take a short break now to regroup and prepare for the third round.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Me: When we last reported here you were about to enter the third round. How about telling our readers what happened during that round?
Solomon:  Yeah.  Third round.  Isn't that the one I won?  Yes, yes, it is.  Fortunately and unfortunately, I won and it was the only time I won.
Me: But winning the third round was fun, right?
Solomon: Sorta. Yeah.  Who doesn't like winning?
Me: What about the fourth round?
Solomon: I lost.
Me: Do you want to say anything else about the fourth round?
Solomon: Um ... I was one of the last in there.  But I still lost.
Me: Bummer.  How about the fifth round?
Solomon: I was black on the very last game.  We were set up with a clock.  The white cheated because they kept pressing the clock so it would go on my turn when it was his turn, wasting my time.  Literally.
Me: Did you talk to a judge about that?
Solomon: No.
Me: Why?
Solomon: Because the judge had just told me to keep going when they set up the clock.  It was extremely close until he took my bishop because all he had was his king and queen.  And both of them can go in any direction so I couldn't attack or he would attack me back.
Me: That sounds like a really tough game.  What did you learn during this chess tournament?
Solomon: If someone's cheating, go ahead and tell the judge about it.

Duh

 We saw a commercial for Pepperidge Farm cookies this morning.  The voice over intoned, "Why do cookies in ruffled paper cups taste so good?" and "What makes cookies covered in chocolate so delicious?" and other delicious, dramatic nonsense.  Images of creamy, melted chocolate and crisp, airy, buttery cookies floated across the screen.
 
Miriam and I were sitting on the couch, brushing her hair and trying to fashion some sort of pony tail.  The last line of the commercial said, "What makes these cookies so perfect?"  Miriam turned to look at me and said, with all the drama an 8-year-old girl can muster, "Well, it's because they are made with chocolate!" And rolled her eyes.  And waved her arms violently.

How can you disagree with that?

That's What She Said

We may have been watching a little too much of The Office around here.  On two separate occasions this evening, my kids asked, "Who is 'she' when Michael says 'That's what she said'?" and "What does that even mean?"  Miriam asked first and Solomon asked second and neither of them heard the other ask the question so it's not like one of them prompted the other to think about it.  Oops.

Found in Miriam's Schoolwork

Hero = Mom 

My mom is the best hero in the world. My hero is my mom because she is strong and caring. My mom is my hero for two reasons. The first reason is because she is strong and she raised three children and has a big family. The second reason my mom is my hero is because she is caring all the time and she makes good food for my brothers and I. I love my mom because she loves my brothers and I. Certinley my mom is my hero.

I guess I'm doing something right.

Silent Letters

This is what Samuel and I shared at the movie theater today.  He read the container and said, "Hm.  I guess the 'F' and the 'U' in 'nacho' are silent."

I love this kid.

Too Comforting?

Miriam came to me in the kitchen tonight, pouting. When I asked her what was wrong she said that she doesn't want to go to school tomorrow.

I thought she was worried about something at school or feeling worse or something. I finally got her to admit that there are no problems at school; she just wanted another day at home with me.

Evidently, we've had too much fun together. I have to admit that it has been kind of nice. We've watched cartoons together, shared hot chocolate and cuddled on the sofa quite a lot. I confessed that I'd really like to stay home with her again too, but that we both need to get back to school and work.

So to celebrate that we're better now, we decided to bake brownies together. Brownies make everything better.

My Kids Have Been Indoctrinated

And that's meant tongue-in-cheek, of course.

I got a message from the school district last week concerning the speech to be given by President Obama this week to students. It stated that teachers in the district had the option of showing the speech in class but that some may not be able to due to scheduling conflicts, etc. As you probably would guess, I had no problem with the kids listening to this speech, no matter what political pundits across the board might say.

As it turns out, neither of the boys' teachers showed the speech and Miriam was at home with me, coughing and sleeping. So we watched the speech at CNN.com tonight. I paused it occasionally to talk to the kids about the points being made. They were really impressed but I wondered how much they really absorbed.

It didn't take long to see what an impact the talk made on Solomon. He immediately went to my desk and wrote out the following statement for himself. He says he's going to keep it forever and read it on his first day of college.

I am promising my country ...
I will work harder in school.
I will make many goals and try to reach them.
I will behave more.
I will be a better leader.
I will focus more in school and I will keep this letter
and read this paper when I need help.

I am so proud. And that is not meant to be tongue-in-cheek.