Open Letter to My Next Door "Neighbor"

Dear "Neighbor",

Before we go any further, let me just explain the " ".  You get " " because neighbors are supposed to be neighborly.  You, my "friend," are not.  Neighbors sign for packages for each other or maybe they come over and ask how long the power has been out in the building when they can't turn on the lights after work.  They wave at each other on the sidewalk or they chit chat at the pool.  Sometimes they give each other a squirt of ketchup when their pre-schooler is begging for ketchup on his hot dog and they've run out.  See, that's the kind of passing relationship I have with the chick across the breezeway.  And I'm not saying that you and I have to have that relationship because not everyone does.  That's okay.  But can I ask that I not know the better part of the goings-on in your place?  Please?

I do not need to hear you slamming your kitchen cupboards or your bathroom door. I can live without knowing that your current favorite song is "Bottoms Up" by Trey Songz.  (What kind of a name is 'Songz' anyway?)  I can especially live without hearing "Bottoms Up" at full blast at 6:20 on a morning when I do not have to go to work and my children don't have school.  Thanks for getting us up in time to make it to school though.  If this was yesterday I might be writing you a different letter.

Also, I do not like your children gallivanting all through the breezeway, knocking on my door and then running away, asking my children for their phone number, slamming their bikes into my walls and screaming at each other.  Although, I can see why this is appealing to them; I'd rather do those things than be in your house with you screaming at me constantly, too.   That's another thing -- your children did not ask to be born to you and from what I can tell, they deserve much better than you.  I'm very close to calling CPS on you and that's not hyperbole.  While I'm at it, I'll file a complaint against you with the landlord for noise violations, too.

Signed,
Your Ticked Off "Neighbor"

P.S.  I drew that picture up there just for you.  I meant the angry face to be me but now that I'm looking at it again, it looks more like a constipated bunny.  That's okay.  It's the thought that counts, right?

Neighbors

So you know how I used to complain about Bigfoot upstairs and the punks downstairs that were always slamming doors and smoking and letting their dog howl without ceasing?  Well, I got lucky and both sets of neighbors moved out at the same time in September.  I had a glorious few weeks of peace and quiet.  It was all I'd dreamt it could be.

In October I got new neighbors both upstairs and downstairs.  The downstairs neighbors ticked me off right away by taking up two parking spots with their big, stupid SUV.  Fortunately, they straightened up quickly and kept me from having to point out the error of their ways.  They do smoke outside a lot but in the winter it's not a big deal.  (And sometimes, if I'm in just the right mood, I don't mind smelling cigarette smoke out on my patio.  I can deal.)

The upstairs neighbors are another issue entirely.  At first I thought it was another particularly exuberant Bigfoot.  But then it became obvious that Bigfoot II has a partner and dogs and they like to play croquet or badminton or some other lawn game in their living room at 9:00 PM.  The only thing that kept me from complaining to them or to the management was that they usually quieted down by 10:00 PM.  A couple of times I awoke to hear stomping or thumping in the middle of the night but it didn't keep me up long.

Until last night.  Last night was scary.  There was slamming of doors, crashing of large items, shouting, cursing, screaming.  It was awful in a gut-wrenching, horrifying, sickening way.  I called the police.  The police didn't get any where, but not for lack of trying.  They knocked on the door, pounded on the door, yelled through the door, tried to get someone to open the door for nearly two hours.  The scary person or persons upstairs never opened the door.

I have a bad feeling.  It's a sad, scary feeling.  I'm not comfortable in my own home because of the nastiness upstairs.  I don't want to be here.  It was better when they were just annoying, inconsiderate idiots.  But now I know that someone is being hurt up there and it's terrifying.

February can't come soon enough.

Open Letters

Dear Apartment Manager:

I understand that you cannot control everything that happens in and around this complex. However, neither can I and it's not my job. It is unfair to me, a responsible resident, to keep locking up the fitness center and pool due to the irresponsibility of a few residents. Find a way to keep these facilities open on a regular basis or you can pay for a bike, gym membership and a pool membership for my family. Furthermore, when my lease is up in February, this may be the determining factor in whether I sign another one here or look elsewhere.

Sincerely Yours,
Disgruntled Resident


Dear Irresponsible Residents:

You suck. It's pathetic that you can't or won't or don't control your children. Letting them throw pool furniture into the pool is unacceptable. Letting them throw rocks into the pool is unacceptable. And to whomever continues breaking into the business center and messing with the computers -- I've got an extra special dose of 'You Suck' right here, just for you. It's big and hairy and gangrenous. Enjoy.

This is ridiculous. It's enough to make a rational, peaceful-minded person like myself begin wishing destruction upon you all. And that's saying something. I'm going to strongly recommend that your rents be raised accordingly to pay for the bike, gym membership and pool membership that my family requires since you and your disgusting hellions can't act like respectable members of society.

Also, if I personally see one of your disgusting hellions intentionally destroying complex property, I'm going to drag them by their ridiculous hair and nasty pants to your front door and drop them there so you can answer for yourself. And then I'm writing you a referral for Super Nanny. Idiots.

Sincerely,
Angry Neighbor

So Bigfoot Lives Upstairs, Right?

Well, now I have Terribly Thoughtless Downstairs Neighbors. It started this summer when they moved in and it's become progressively worse. I used to mildly dislike Terribly Thoughtless Downstairs Neighbors. Now I intensely dislike Terribly Thoughtless Downstairs Neighbors.

See, I like to keep my windows and patio door open in the summer to let the nice, dry, cool Colorado breezes blow through my apartment. But Terribly Thoughtless Downstairs Neighbors like to throw big parties and smoke cigarettes and Other Stuff on their patio. This precludes my opening doors and windows unless I want my apartment to smell like a bar in Texas. (I said 'bar in Texas' because you can smoke in bars in Texas but you can't smoke in bars in Colorado.)

And then there was never being able to park on this side of the building because Terribly Thoughtless Downstairs Neighbors' -- hence forth known as TTDN -- friends were taking up all the spots. TTDN must be very popular because there were always new people over. And the cars taking up all the good spots were different every day.

About two months ago, there was a drug bust for Other Stuff. That was freaky. I heard police outside yelling and banging on the door. Then things were very quiet downstairs for a couple of weeks. There wasn't so much of the Texas bar odor (But by then, who could tell? It was October and my doors and windows were shut.) and I could park in a decent spot. But TTDN's friends all returned eventually. I'm parking at the front of the building now and walking through the breeze way.

Last week TTDN started learning the guitar. You'd think that a novice guitar player would practice on an unplugged guitar first, or at least turn the amp way down. You know, to get the basics down? But TTDN must also be Completely Unembarrassed Downstairs Neighbor also because they don't care if everyone hears the missed chords and out-of-tune strumming that comes from them.

But now. Now TTDN has a dog. A very large, very loud, very persistent dog. I've never seen this dog because TTDN is thoughtless through and through and never walks this dog. But I've heard this dog. Oh, yes. Lots and lots and lots. It's why I bought ear plugs last week. And why I'm considering making up completely bogus, outrageous complaints against TTDN to take to the apartment manager and hoping to get them thrown out of the complex. :crosses fingers, toes, eyes and ears:

I'm just kidding. I'd never make up stuff about people. I don't think. But I would allow my children monkeys to jump and run and wrestle more than is usually allowed when we live in an upstairs apartment. You know, just to even out the terribly thoughtless actions occurring in both mine and TTDN's apartments.

Random Stuff

My post yesterday was the 100th post to be published on my blog. I have a total of 105 posts but 4 of those are in the editing process. Some of them might never be posted if I can't get them right.

It has rained almost non-stop since 7:00 pm on Thursday night. I've loved every minute. Most of it has been a very light rain but some was heavier. This is one of the only times I wish I was on the third floor of this building; then I could hear rain instead of Bigfoot. We had an amazing round of thunder and lightning this afternoon. One thunder roll lasted a full minute. It went on so long I actually became concerned that it wasn't thunder. Here is what the kids splashed in once the rain let up. Sorry for the bad quality -- it's a cell phone picture.



I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I had seen 4 rainbows in one week. We've seen 3 or 4 more since then. The summer weather in Denver is perfect for rainbows. There is a brief, light rain shower almost every afternoon about 2 hours before sunset. This makes for the perfect angle of sunlight against clouds and dissipating rain. I captured one on my phone.



I think I might be developing a latex allergy. I've been at this job for over 4 months and I use latex gloves at least half a dozen times per day. Latex allergies can show up after repeated exposure and I think it's happening to me. My hands itch a lot at work. I put two and two together on Wednesday last week and started carrying nitrile gloves in my pocket. I noticed a little difference so I'll keep it up and see what happens.

We see quite a bit of wildlife around here. Rabbits are every where. Prairie dogs are every where and then some. There is a stretch of empty road near here with barren fields on both sides. Cresting the hill there can be a bit surreal because occasionally the prairie dogs seem as if they have taken over the road as well as the fields. I haven't hit one yet but I have a bad feeling that it's only a matter of time. Speaking of wildlife, here's a snake we saw one afternoon at Jennifer and Caleb's apartment. Can you see it?



Dinner is an interesting affair here some nights. We discuss our favorite and least favorite parts of the day. Sometimes we talk about the funniest parts of our day, which inevitably includes someone's experience with a fart. Kids. Sometimes we find funny things in our food. These conjoined carrots, for example.



We've been enjoying the Olympics as a family almost every night since the opening ceremonies. I get such a kick out of watching the kids cheer for the athletes. This is the first time they are really big enough to get anything out of the Games. And still, they don't grasp the enormity of it. Solomon asked me tonight if Uncle Jonathan has been in the Olympics. (According to Solomon, Uncle Jonathan hung the moon.)

Their favorite event is 'gernastics' and they keep asking me where the next 'Ulumpics' will be. I've tried correcting the pronunciation but it's not sticking. It's okay, though; by the time the next Olympics rolls around they'll be saying it correctly and I'll miss these mispronunciations. I tried to explain to the kids that the Summer Olympics are every 4 years and the Winter Olympics are every 4 years and that they are evenly spaced. That was a little too much to comprehend, though.

I feel as if there was something else I wanted to say here but I'm drawing a blank now. I guess that means I should wrap this up and go scrub a toilet. Don't you wish you were here?

Bigfoot is in Overdrive

Good grief! It's stomping around now as if it wants to break through my ceiling. Plus, it is vacuuming. That vacuum is louder than the foot stomps, if you can imagine that. How can one creature make so much noise? How?!

I thought about thumping on my ceiling with the broom handle in hopes of making it aware of how thin the barrier between us is. But then I thought better of it; it's best not to anger it. I need to invest in some industrial strength ear plugs. Maybe the kind used by construction guys working the jack hammer?

I think I'm going to lose my mind.

Bigfoot Lives Upstairs

It has to. Seriously. That's the only explanation for the thumping, stomping, pacing footsteps to which I am subjected every evening.

It's worst on Friday afternoon and evening. I think it's because the beast must be attempting to clean its cave of an apartment after a long week of neglecting household chores. I picture the creature clomping about on hairy feet with crusted toenails, picking up clutter, putting laundry in to wash, loading the dishwasher.

It follows a similar pattern to my own housecleaning. Lots of moving about in the kitchen. Living room to bedrooms. Back and forth from laundry room to closets. I could feel something of a kinship to it, if the the rumblings weren't so mind-numbingly loud.