Thursday Thirteen: the Internet

I forgot. Oops. So I'm pretending today is Thursday.

Thirteen things I like about the internet:

1. I can find out anything I want to know. And even some things I didn't want to know.

2. I can (and do) talk with people all over the world.

3. Myspace and Facebook have let me catch up with old friends that I otherwise wouldn't know anything about now.

4. Blogging.

5. Online banking.

6. Google Maps.

7. Picture hosting, slide shows, photo editing.

8. Sites like Post Secret, Overheard in New York and I Can Haz Cheezburger that make me laugh until my stomach hurts.

9. Yellow Pages. They're so much easier than the real Yellow Pages.

10. Requesting library books in my pajamas.

11. My kids can play pretty cool games and watch videos of their favorite shows.

12. Online classes. I definitely prefer real classrooms to virtual ones, but without virtual ones I couldn't have gone back to school.

13. Office webisodes.

My Birthday

I was thinking about my past birthdays this morning. Most have been relatively uneventful but still memorable in their own way. Others have consisted of elaborate plans and lots of memories.

I don't remember my first birthday, but I've seen the pictures. I sat on the table in a diaper and smeared myself with chocolate frosting from my very own cake. That's been a big family tradition.

I do remember my second birthday. Most people don't believe me when I say that. They think it's because I've seen the pictures of it and I only think I remember it. But they're wrong. Mom made me a castle cake with Cinderella sitting outside it. It was pink. Very pink. All of that is in the pictures. What does not show are the Pringles cans that made up the castle towers. I remember watching Mom cover them in icing. It seemed to take forever.

Other birthdays run together in a blur. There were several that Jennifer and I celebrated together since our birthdays are 6 days apart. We had a birthday party in the big red caboose at McDonald's one year. Another year, we had a party at Granny and Paw Paw's house. We had two cakes; one was yellow with pink decorations and the other was pink with yellow decorations. I don't remember which was mine and which was Jennifer's.

I got a bike for my fifth birthday. I picked it out from the models at the store and Dad said we needed to find the actual box so we could take it home and put it together. The thought of waiting on it to be put together so disappointed me that the sales person said we could take the floor model. I was thrilled.

There was the year that Mom and Dad let Jennifer and me point out a few things in the toy department that we wanted. I thought we were giving specific instructions so I was a little pouty when I opened my presents and they were slightly different. I still feel bad about that.

Jennifer and I got new bikes when we were 7 and 9, respectively. They were identical 10-speeds and we thought we were hot stuff. We rode those bikes every where. Someone tried to steal them once. I'm a little foggy on the details but Jennifer remembers it better than I do.

On my thirteenth birthday, Mom told me she would make any dinner I wanted. I found some recipes in a magazine and she did it. We had roast beef sandwiches, cucumber salad and a dessert that I can't remember now. I also got my ears pierced on my thirteenth birthday.

My sixteenth birthday was a lot of fun. I had a sleepover with my best friend. We stayed up all night and watched all 4 Jaws movies. Then we scared ourselves silly in her pool. I left for a mission trip in Birmingham on my actual birthday.

My eighteenth birthday was notable because we were awaiting the arrival of my youngest sister, Elizabeth. I also learned to drive that summer.

I spent my twenty-first birthday nursing my 6-week-old baby and marveling at how much my life had changed in just a year. Not the typical American twenty-first birthday, was it?

My twenty-fifth birthday was the last day of our family trip to Disneyland. We missed a flight to Phoenix (not our fault), got re-routed to Las Vegas and grounded in Las Vegas due to 114 F temperatures. We got a free room at the Monte Carlo and spent 48 hours taking in Vegas. If it weren't for the divorce clouds looming overhead, it would have been a fantastic detour.

I was at Lake Tahoe for my twenty-sixth birthday. A boyfriend (ex) and I had a helicopter ride over the lake, a cruise around the lake and saw a Rascal Flatts concert. Definitely a memorable birthday.

Last year, another boyfriend (ex) and I had a good time. There were flowers, dinner, a movie and some wine. The wine wasn't so great, but it was a fun night. The wine was actually kind of funny.

This year has been a good birthday, too. I had to work today, but it wasn't so bad. I went to lunch with some co-workers and was completely embarrassed when the servers chanted the Happy Birthday song and brought ice cream and balloons. I'm eating dinner with Jennifer and Caleb (homemade pizza!). This weekend we are headed to a music festival downtown. I am looking forward to some great music, great laughs, great drinks, a great time in general.

And I am not dreading being 29, either. I'm not even dreading being 30 in 364 days. I don't feel much different than I did at 19 so I'm good with this age thing.

Personality and Cars

Since I decided to make the addition of bumper stickers to my vehicle, I've begun paying close attention to the decoration on other cars. I've seen ones that made me laugh out loud, others that made me mad and some that are just lame. What I find interesting is that you can sometimes tell what kind of person owns the car if they have a couple of bumper stickers plastered on it. At least, I like to pretend I can.

The other thing I find interesting is that I often see the same cars on my route to work every morning. Traffic here is extremely heavy and one would think that I'd never see the same car twice and know it. But when someone has bumper stickers or personalized vanity plates, it's easy to pick them out if you pay a little attention.

There is one car, for example, driven by a matronly grandmother-type. She drives an older Oldsmobile with two stickers on it. One says "Honor Mother Nature" and the other says "It's our turn to nurture the earth." I picture her living in a small cottage house with a vegetable garden fed by her own compost pile. She recycles and conserves water as much as she can. She may or may not have a cat.

There is another car that I see turning into the hospital parking lot with me almost every morning. It's a new Corvette driven by a woman who appears to be in her mid-forties with bleached blond hair. She has eight Pink Ribbon magnets on the sides of her car, all in different sizes. I'm not sure what the story is there. Is she that committed to a cure? Has she known eight women with breast cancer? Does she have breast cancer? Maybe she just likes pink. Whatever it is, I'd like to know her story.

I often see a Mercedes with a vanity plate that clearly identifies the driver as a proud plastic surgeon. He's always on his phone, trying to drive at least 10 miles per hour over the speed limit, weaving in and out of traffic. I've seen him attempt to pass people on the right shoulder. He kind of scares me. I imagine him living in a huge house with a pool or maybe a tennis court and no time to enjoy any of it.

While driving between here and Raton I've seen a lot of interesting stickers. Granted, I don't see those vehicles again, but they are still interesting.

Last time I saw a Jeep with a particularly funny sticker. The sticker said "Get a taste of religion: Lick a witch." It also had a couple of other stickers with pagan symbols on it. It was driven by a heavy-set man with a long beard and long hair. I couldn't tell where his hair ended and his beard began.

On my way back to Denver I passed a Subaru with a sticker that said "Bark less, wag more." I've seen this sticker before. It's usually chosen by dog lovers who believe we should correlate more in our life with those things in a dog's life. I tend to agree. Most dogs are loveable, playful, simple in their wants and needs, eager to please. Maybe our world would be a better place if we lived more like that.

I also saw an RV with a sticker that simply said "Be nice." I couldn't agree more. Being nice is simple and good. One rarely goes wrong by being nice. Thus ends my philosophical ramblings on personal vehicular expression.

The Worst Thing on Television

I came across a reality show last night that made me angrier than any television show really has a right to. It's about 16-year-old girls and their Super Sweet Sixteen parties, complete with tiaras and rhinestones and, in some cases apparently, 7 carat diamonds. With these girls, the sky is the limit. Costume changes, rap artists, $5,000 gowns, $100,000 cars. All for one party. Seriously.

I don't know where to start, so I'll just start with the beginning. The show I watched centered around a girl that describes herself as "the pretty, rich girl that always gets what she wants." I'm sorry, but if my child ever describes herself this way, I will consider myself a pathetic failure as a parent.

The opening clips of the show include Miss Sweet Sixteen shopping for a mink coat. The sales person states the cost of the coat at $27,000. The girl's father says, "Whatever you want. It's your world, we just live in it." My jaw hit the floor. The show then moves on to show the girl giving orders to her party planner and saying that she wants all her friends to "know what it's like to be me, for just one day. Because I have an awesome life."

Just to invite her friends to her sixteenth birthday party, she invited them all to her house and had a helicopter drop keys to treasure boxes on the lawn. Each of her friends had their own treasure box with their invitation locked inside. I'd like to know what scheme she cooked up for inviting them all to the pre-party invitation party. If it didn't include hand-delivered invitations in gold leaf, I'll be disappointed.

Later on, she goes shopping for her main party dress. She tries on countless outfits, each shorter than the last and all covered in sparkles. Apparently the sparkles were the key. I lost track of how many times she gushed, "Oooh, I just love all the sparkles." Finally, it comes time to choose one party dress: the sparkly green one or the sparkly beige one. She agonizes, "This is the hardest decision of my life!" before deciding on the beige one. Her mother forks over a credit card to the tune of $6270. Miss Sweet Sixteen pronounces it a 'good number.' I'm still trying to figure out exactly what she meant by that.

On the day of the party, tragedy struck. The party planner announced that the costume for her grand entrance might not work if she's going to ride on the elephant. I am not kidding. Something about sparkles and the contraption on the elephant's back. Miss Sweet Sixteen laments, "If this costume doesn't work out, the whole party is going to be a disaster. It has to work. I'm wearing it." Later on, I laughed my butt off when her costume headdress clotheslined her on the streamers over the entrance walk.

The rest of the party went off like you probably expect by now. Hundreds of kids screaming that this is the best party of their young lives, even future parties. Miss Sweet Sixteen doing the bump and grind with half a dozen hungry-for-the-spotlight teen boys. A 6-layer cake that scared Miss Sweet Sixteen half to death with the sparklers and fireworks coming from it. One of the final shots of the party is a boy screaming, "Miss Sweet Sixteen is the most generous girl ever!" Uh, sorry to burst your bubble, but that's not called generosity. It's called attention whoring.

I can't believe the example this television show is encouraging America's teens to emulate. Do we really need to encourage kids to be more selfish? What a waste. I wonder what's going to happen to Miss Sweet Sixteen when the gravy train is gone? I wonder if she'll still think she has "an awesome life?"

Thunderstorms

I love thunderstorms. I love the sounds of the rain and thunder, the flashing of the lightning and most especially the smell. I even enjoy the occasional hail stone.

Texas has some amazing thunderstorms. Last summer was heaven for me. There were several major ones -- ones that began in the early evening and lasted all night. Thunder woke me up a few times and I loved lying in bed and listening to it. When things calmed down, I fell asleep again to the sound of the rain on the windows and on the roof.

I really miss the fantastic thunderstorms in Texas. Thunderstorms are rare in Colorado. I think the worst part is that I am teased way too often. It's very common to see huge rain clouds coming over the mountains. A huge swathe of the sky turns black and I can tell it's raining on the foothills. But then it all dries up and blows away before anything happens here.

We did have a pretty nice thunderstorm this evening, though. There was bona fide window-rumbling thunder and some beautiful lightning. It didn't last long but I soaked it up while I could.

How's That?

One of my patients today was a 6-month-old baby, in for a well check. There is a place on the exam form for the baby's exact age. I tend to make chit chat with the parents so it's not so quiet in the room and I said, "So she's six months and one day old today."

Um, no she's actually six months, two weeks and two days old.

Isn't her birthday December twenty-third?

Yes.

Okay, well December twenty-third to June twenty-third is six months, plus today. Six months, one day.

But babies' ages are measured in weeks. And she's about six-and-a-half months old since some months have five weeks and some have four weeks.

No month has five entire weeks in it. If you want to get technical, each month has approximately four-point-three weeks in it. December twenty-third to June twenty-third is six months.

Well. :sniffs and turns her head away:

Vocabulary Lesson

I learned a new Spanish slang word. It is tumbaburros and it means to be drowsy. However, when broken down and translated literally, it means to knock down a donkey. Tumbar is to knock something over and burro is donkey. Spanish is funny like that. Gives whole new meaning to the phrase 'knock you on your ass,' doesn't it?

Solomon vs. Wild

Solomon's favorite television show is Man vs. Wild. He just finished watching a particularly interesting episode in which the host makes his way across Siberia in search of the Trans Siberian Railway. As Bear Grylls is jumping triumphantly on to the back of a train, Solomon says, "When that guy gets too old to make this show, I am going to take over for him."

Fun Was Had By All

We spent a beautiful afternoon by the pool. It was warm and sunny. The water was cool and relaxing.

The kids had so much fun. Solomon and Noah practiced cannonballs. Miriam perfected floating on a swim noodle. Adam and Samuel tried blowing water explosions out of their swim noodles. There was lots of laughing. Jennifer and I got comfortable on the lounge chairs and talked about the kids, work, family and all that other stuff. We all snacked on fresh watermelon and cherries.

The pool was busy. Three couples tossed a football around in the deep end. A few people listened to music. A group of girls in their late teens sat across the way with only one objective: to get the perfect tan.

Everyone was having a great time. But the kid having the best time was the 10-year-old, hiding under his beach towel and having fun all on his own. He was really enjoying himself.

Recent Kid Quotes

Solomon: Mom, I just saw a movie star!!
:points to a 6-foot-tall Oopma Loompa look-alike:

Samuel: Mommy, I love you muches more than the galaxy.

Miriam: Your belly is wrinkly. Is that because we were all in there?

Solomon: I can't think. My brain is dusty.

Miriam: I'm sweating like one thousand pigs.

Solomon: I'm pretty sure that two spiders bit me. The poison is in my blood now.

Voluntary Ignorance

It became obvious soon after I started this job that I disagree with most of my co-workers when it comes to politics. It rarely comes up though, and when it does I tend to keep my mouth shut because I am clearly in the minority. I just don't want to go there with these people.

I had lunch with 3 co-workers today. I've had lunch with them before and we have a good time. They are funny women and, even better, they think I'm funny. Today's lunch wasn't quite as light-hearted as past ones because the issue of the presidential race came up.

When the subject of candidates was broached, one woman said to me, "I know you like Obama, honey, because I saw your bumper sticker, but I just wanted to let you know you should research him a bit."

I was taken aback for a couple of reasons. One, I don't know how or when she saw my car. We park in an enormous hospital parking lot and I don't remember once seeing her in the parking lot, either before or after work. How does she know what I drive? Two, it surprised me that someone would think I'd just stick something to my car without thinking about it first.

However, I recovered and asked what she meant. She replied with, "Oh, you know, where he comes from and all that." I asked her to clarify if she meant where he was born or his family or religion or voting record or if he likes peanuts or pretzels. She said again, "You know, where he comes from," and gave me a knowing little nod. I answered that I have done some research on both Obama and McCain and I'm pretty confident in my choice. She looked surprised but she didn't say anything else.

Now, I have no issue whatsoever with someone who votes differently than I do. Live and let live, right? I do have a problem with people who treat me in a condescending way and assume I have no clue what I'm talking about. It's even worse when that same person can't be bothered to pin down her own meaning and give me a clear picture of her intent. Why push me to research candidates if she doesn't even know what she wants me to research?

I think I'll go back to keeping my mouth shut.

Whom Does Jesus Love?

I was looking at more bumper stickers tonight and Miriam was sitting with me. We came across one that read, "Jesus loves real men." Miriam saw it and said, "What?! Jesus doesn't love real girls?!"

She Is Not Fooled

You may remember my recent post about No More Spider/Monster Spray. The No More Monster Spray was called into action tonight for the bedroom closet.

Samuel: Mommy, I'm scared of the monsters in my closet.

Me: Okay, hang on. :goes to get the spray:

Miriam: Samuel, monsters aren't even real. :rolls her eyes:

Samuel: Yes, they are!!!

Miriam: Nuh-huh!!!

Me: Miriam, please be quiet. :sprays the closet:

Miram: What is that stuff really?

Me: It's No More Spid-, I mean No More Monster Spray.

Update on New Year's Resolutions

Seeing as the mid-point of 2008 is quickly approaching, I thought I'd give an overview on my New Year's Resolutions. It's always a good thing to assess and evaluate one's progress, right? In case you don't remember, I decided that the year's theme would be to Do Stuff on Purpose. Specifically, I planned to seek out outdoor activities and to find new books, music and art. I was also going to write down the little stuff in my journal.

I completed my move to Colorado. If that's not doing something On Purpose, I don't know what is. Almost no one packs up all their stuff and moves 700 miles away without meaning to.

All 3 children have bikes and are getting quite good on them now. They are proudly boasting shins and knees full of scrapes and bruises to prove their hard work. I haven't bought my bike yet. I don't see much reason for it until the kids are riding faster than I jog. We get out and bike/jog on the path near our apartment whenever we can. We've also started hiking and flying kites.

I bought camping gear to add to our outdoor activities. We have used our tent and sleeping bags once, but that trip was cut short due to the unfortunate timing of a nasty stomach virus. Trust me, you don't want to know the rest.

Finding new music has been easy since moving here. My favorite radio station plays at least one song I've never heard every day. Sometimes they are good, sometimes they aren't. I've also been hounding Caleb and Jennifer; they have great taste in music and know wonderful artists that I want to know.

Finding new books has been a little more difficult, partly because I haven't had much time for reading. But the biggest reason that it has been hard is that I read an amazing book that made it hard to get into anything else for a while. It was one of those books that I was truly sad to finish. I started, stopped, started again and finally gave up on 3 books after that one because I just couldn't let it go. Fortunately, I am back on track now. (In case you want to read it, the amazing book is Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides.)

I realized recently that all the books I love are books that I want my children to love, too. Obviously, they can't read most of them (nor would I want them to read a few of them for several more years!) for themselves. But then it occurred to me that they are finally mature enough to listen to longer books without pictures and I can make a project out of reading great series of books to them. We have started with The Chronicles of Narnia. We are half way through The Magician's Nephew and they are loving it.

The kids and I have discovered origami. There is a neat little section of our On Demand cable menu that posts videos of how to fold certain shapes. We invested in a beginner's kit and an extra envelope of special paper. It's pretty fun. The kids are getting really good at matching the edges of the paper and making sharp creases. That has to do something for their fine motor skills and hand-eye coordination, right? In any case, it keeps them out of my hair for 15 minutes when I need it.

As for journaling and blogging ... well, the blog speaks for itself. My journal has been rather neglected lately since so much information goes here. I'll work on that. I've also made some steps in the right direction for scrapbooking. I asked for scrapbooking supplies for Christmas but I haven't done much with them yet. Last week I spent $16 on prints from Snapfish so I can begin filling those scrapbooks. I can't wait for them to get here.

So, there you have it. The year is half over and we are well on our way to living a more active and creative life. It's kind of fun to make New Year's resolutions and actually keep them.

Bumper Stickers

My vehicle is now 10 years old and has collected enough bumps, dents, scratches and dings that I no longer care a great deal what it looks like. I only fixed the cracked windshield because I was afraid it might cave in on me whilst speeding down the interstate. That would be inconvenient, to say the least.

Because I don't care about the appearance of my car I decided to go all the way and add some colorful stickers. As with most things, I am picky about what I will put on it. (This is a perfect example of how conflicted I am; I don't mind driving a tacky vehicle, but it has to be tacky in the way I want it to be.) I have scoured the internet for the specific stickers I want and I have found almost all of them. My only fear now is that the stickers will long outlast my car.

While looking for my stickers, I came across several interesting ones. Most of these will never be considered seriously for my collection but I like them just the same, either because they are funny or because they are true or because they are both funny and true. A few of the best:

My child doesn't need validation from a bumper sticker.

If trees screamed would we still cut them down? Probably, if they screamed all the time.

I'm a PBS mind in an MTV world.

People would rather be wrong than different.

It is neither possible nor necessary to educate people who never question anything. John Heller

Manifest plainness, embrace simplicity, reduce selfishness, have few desires. Lao-Tzu

When the rapture comes, can I have your car?

Your possessions own you.

Democrats make better lovers. (Whoever heard of a great piece of elephant?)

I Had a Vision

I saw a family today that gave me a glimpse into what may be ahead for me in a few years; two boys and a girl, the girl was the middle child. I say they are siblings because the three of them looked like clones of their father. There was another boy with them that I am guessing was a friend or cousin. The children appeared to range in age from 6 to about 12 or so.

These four children were playing very well together, obviously having a fabulous time. After a few minutes, I heard intentional belching coming from their little group. I looked over to see the eldest boy egging on the younger boys. Then, quite shockingly, the girl burped louder and longer than any of the boys. They were awed. I was too, honestly.

I couldn't help seeing the similarities between this group of children and my own children with their cousins. I wonder if my daughter, surrounded by males as she is, will be a world-class belcher?

Eight Years of Moments

Yesterday marked 8 years since I became a mother. I can hardly believe it. Even harder to believe is that in 2 years, I'll have been at this for a decade. This is the longest I have been committed to one activity, ever. I think it's safe to say that this will be my life's work.

The magnitude of this job overwhelms me at times. Three human beings ... infancy to adulthood and everything that encompasses ... wow. Other times, I concentrate on the moments and it's not such a big deal. Brushing teeth and putting on pajamas isn't a daunting task (most nights). Neither is driving children to school at 7:45 AM. They're just things to be done and when they are all added up, it's life. In 20 years, I'll look back and wonder where all the moments went.

Some moments are exhilarating. All The Great Firsts are seared into my memory: the first spoken words, the first read words, the first teeth, the first loose teeth, riding the first bike, buying the first school supplies, seeing the first steps, the first screaming bath in the nursery.

Some moments are terrifying, like leaving my sobbing daughter in a classroom for the first time. In that moment, I know she will be fine; she has the same wonderful teacher that her brother had last year. But she's my crying baby and all I want to do is scoop her up, promising that she will never be back there. Being a rational parent means realizing that this isn't feasible; if she doesn't stay for this first day, there will be another first day somewhere else and it won't be easier. So I push through that awful moment, knowing that the subsequent morning drop-offs will only get easier.

Some moments are surprising in their simplicity. The moments I've spent snuggled into bed with the kids and telling them about my own childhood are special to all of us. It's something I experienced with my parents and I am now making a point of it with my children. Other times spent silly dancing in the kitchen or playing I Spy on road trips are no less special than The Great Firsts. I hope my children will look back on their childhoods and remember these, as well as the big moments.

So, here's to the last 8 years, and to all that will follow.

Keep Your Dog on a Leash. Please.

Colorado is a very dog-loving place. People are constantly walking dogs, running dogs, playing with dogs, transporting dogs, hugging dogs, picking up after dogs. It's a very happening place for dogs.

Initially, I thought this was great. Two of my three children are rather frightened of dogs and I've been doing all I can for the past few years to help them get over their fears. When we moved here and I saw all the dogs, I thought this would be a great place to continue that.

Lately I've come to second-guess those thoughts, though. A dozen times in the last couple of months, my little family and I have been outside enjoying the fresh air when a dog wandered over to sniff us or something near us. Each time there was an apologetic owner behind them. It always goes something like this, "I'm sorry, she's a really nice dog and just loves kids." Most of the time we have been in areas that are designated 'leash areas.'

Now, I have no problem with dogs themselves. What I do have a problem with is owners who think that having a nice dog gives them license to ignore leash laws. Their nice dog is overly friendly to my children. This is not a good thing when a child is already scared of dogs. One overly friendly dog can un-do in five seconds what I have accomplished in an entire year of dog acclimation with my kids. Careless dog owners are not helping me help my kids and it's really irritating me.

The most recent offender met us on the stairs this morning. When I opened the door to go out, I heard what sounded like two very exuberant dogs communicating with each other. I peeked out the landing window to be sure that both dogs were on leashes. One was not. I could not see its human any where. As I debated whether to head down the stairs or go back inside to avoid it knocking over my child, it came bounding up the stairs at us. Twenty paces behind was a young guy who laughed and said, "Sorry, it's really okay. He's fine."

Um, it's really not okay. Your dog may be fine, but my kid is cowering behind me with his heart pounding out of his chest. It's not fine.

I Miss This

It has been a hectic several days. I have had fleeting thoughts of this place and even a few ideas for writing. Something always comes up though and I rush off to the next activity before I finish a whole post. Never fear, however -- I shall return. And when I do, I'm sure the words will just come tumbling out.

I Shall Smite Thee

I belong to an internet message board. It's a regular part of my internet life and for the most part, it remains safely ensconced within that boundary. There are occasions, however, when the message board seeps into my Real Life.

Most recently, it's been with the smiting of people. See, on this particular message board, there is this karma function. You can use it to smite someone or applaud them, according to your whim. The vast majority of the time, karma is left alone and no one really thinks about it except for silly little jokes. Lately, I've found myself wanting to give people internet smites in my Real Life.

Use the phrase 'puppy niece' one too many times in my presence and you may find yourself the recipient of my personal smite.

Cut me off in traffic?

Smite.

Offer me two sizes of coffee and call them medium and large?

Smite.

Allow your child to shred the exam table paper all over the room and not pick up at least some of it?

Smite. Repeatedly.